100 Replies to “5 Tips for Dating with a Mental Illness | Kati Morton”

  1. What has helped me a lot is educating myself and then figuring out different ways to describe what my mental illnesses are and how they can effect my thought process and moods. For example no I don't have control of when I get triggered but I do have control to some degree and responsability to take care of myself as much as possible to feel better.

  2. When my anxiety disorder and self-esteem issues were not fully figured out yet (at 18-19 years old), a friend went on full saving hero and told me "you can't love someone when you don't love yourself". It made me super angry at the time since I felt ready to have a first relationship. Now I see that kind of attitude as discrimination towards people suffering from mental illness. I think as long as you are ready and willing to put in your best effort, there is no problem.

  3. Who think it is okay to have a relationship with someone who have the same mental illness? I had a very good relationship with someone who is suffering from psychotic depression too. And it was great except for the end he didn't spoke to me much about the fact he didn't love me anymore. But we are still friends and everything seems to be okay

  4. Kati, can you also make a video about how to be in a relationship with a person who has mental illness? I feel the partner doesn't get enough of mental support.

  5. I have bipolar disorder. My boyfriend of five years and I are taking a break so we can take care of ourselves so when we come back together we can be happier and stronger. I really needed this.

  6. I've never been in a relationship and I have mental illness just recently. But also I really want to be in a relationship and I already have someone in mind. Am I okay? Like I kinda know her abit and I think she will be fine if i tell her I have mental illness. Can I shoot my shot lol?

  7. i just write it all down on paper

    also i am finally able to be completely off meds since i was in section 12

    thx for this ha bisky vid i love you so much kati i am going to get my TYT job in 2019 even if i need the interview

    cenk needs me to work there now more then ever he lost ring of fire

  8. It's so diffficult to admit these things, but they are so true. Popular thinking make these concepts so distorted and harmful. I've learnt recently that if I'm not comfortable with myself, I start trying to be somebody else, and whoever might be with me will be loving this someone I'm not. I want somone who can be with me, not a distortion.

  9. Me and my boyfriend start every morning with telling what we dreamt about to each other. I worked with dreams with my therapist before and we both`ve read books by Carl Gustav Jung, so we generally understand how to analyze our dreams. Although this method is odd, it really helps us to process thins, to talk them through.
    For example, one night I`ve seen a dream with a metaphor of my past relationship – I was trying to reconcile two kids by buying them candy and using psychological manipulation, but it just made things worse. I told about this dream to my boyfriend: how often I get hard on myself, not caring about the process and thinking only about my goal, and that conversation gave me an opportunity to re-estimate my attiude towards result and a way of getting it.
    I definitelty feel lighter because of this daily morning ritual! It helps me to start my days with an intention to get better.

    (BTW sorry, if my English is bad. Hello from Russia!)

  10. Thank you Katie! Been watching for some years now, and this was really helpful to me right now 🙂
    Sadly, I've had this friends with benefits-thing going on for a year now, sort of an open relationship, but not really. And just now, as she started dating another guy, I realize that I like her way more than I was prepared to face. I have not been honest with myself, nor her, neither have I shared too much of my needs and warm feelings for her. Now, I'm super jealous, angsty, sad and have had a hard time concentrating on anything. I feel sort of caged within myself.
    This might be a part of some self-sabotage or self-defeating behaviour, and I really needed a reminder of trying to self-care!

  11. What if your mental illness prevents you from even pursuing a relationship? I have bipolar disorder and a whole slew of maladaptive coping skills that come with it. I want a relationship but it’s terrifying andI feel like it’s not fair to pull someone into all this mess. I feel like I’m too “broken” and no one will be able to handle it.

  12. Im finally going to get tested for ADHD with a psychologist because I kept forcing myself to go on dates when I felt anxious and I would freeze, kind of letting him tell me story after story I would seem like a complete bore… most likely irreversible, he doesnt call me any more… i want to tell him, these behaviors are new I am actually very fun… but I'm sure he wont understand and even if he does, he will just think I'm a nice person with issues…

  13. Hi Katie, I have a friend who is considerably older than me and I'm concerned about their use of Xanax. They were prescribed Xanax for sleep (an off-label use that is not approved by the FDA) four years ago and they are still on it to this day. They lost a loved one and have endured anxiety over that loss. My concern is that they have become habituated, or dependent, on the pharmaceutical. I know from own use of Xanax, I was told by my doctor that this is only to be used as a last resort and only a thirty day supply would be given. The doctor my friend has been seeing is a D.O. or Doctor of Osteopathy not an MD or a psychiatrist. Due to their advanced age I'm worried that their liver function will not process the Xanax as efficiently as when they were younger. I have tried to tell them at the very least they should get a second opinion because there are other pharmaceuticals out there that can do the same job without the potentially addictive nature of benzodiazipenes (Xanax). I would appreciate your input on the nature and impact of long-term use of Xanax. They claim they are not an addict (let me be clear that in my conversations with them I did not say they were) and they wrongly believe that because they are using Xanax for sleep issues and not treating anxiety they cannot become addicted.

  14. I broke up with my boyfriend to get better and to take care of myself first and he is very understanding so he said it’s okay. I miss him because i told him I need to take a break from talking because after breaking up we talked as if we were still in one. Today I’m going to a psychologist and I hope it helps me. I want to talk to him again because he is always on my mind but I’m waiting for my psychologists advice.

  15. My girlfriend suffers bad with hypersexuality and nymphomania, everybody in our community knows about it and they enable her

  16. I struggled to love myself and I still do. I push alot of people then try to reel them back in, it's a struggle everyday. I hope to help others and connect on my channel , feel free to check mine out it deals with bpd. Thankyou

  17. I have schizophrenia and I'm gay…not many men will go for a guy like me cause one of the things that triggers me is when I'm ignored…by a man or sometimes even a woman. I like emotional intimacy from a woman but physical intimacy from a man. This video helped me…still think I'm gonna be and stay single though. Would really love your feedback Kati Morton. Thanks!!!

  18. This is amazingly perfect I have Bipolar 1 with Anxious Distress and my partner has accepted me and become so much more educated about mental illness since we have been together

  19. what to do if the bipolar partner don't want to communicate? he says his illness is not my problem? his illness is under control I have nothing to worry about? he wanted to move super fast and I got worried. What to do if he don't want to talk?

  20. Going to be on disability after I win my case but I haven't worked since July, 2016 and havent dated since the summer before 9th grade… (I'm 24). Bipolar, depression, possibly CTE from concussions (first football practice is tomorrow lol. YOLO)…

  21. I didnt think it would be, but it was helpful. I'm in a new relationship, I don't know how to even bring up my condition and "I' m fine" is becoming less and less believable. The only saving grace in this regard is the distance.

  22. I very recently dated a girl who admitted to having a therapist and different things she was struggling with. I didn't let it effect how I felt about her because I did care about her.
    Long story short she used her knowledge of psychology to mess with me emotionally. She told me she had NPD (had no clue what it was at the time) and I believe that is what led to her treating me the way she did.
    The sucky part is I'm going to start therapy soon.
    The bright side is i probably needed it due to childhood drama. If it didn't happen I would have never gotten the help I probably need.
    THE BRIGHT SIDE – it's always there.

  23. I'm about to break up with my boyfriend, because I don't want to bother him and I think it's important that I heal first before being with him. I don't want to make him feel like shit around me.

  24. I met woman called Jenna who i was seeing for around four months shes just been diagnosed with PTSD and bi-polar disorder. We grew extremely fond of each other and told each other everything. but even though i was ready to support her she's decided that its best if she doesn't see me because she says i will up hating her and i can do better 😢

  25. My hardest thing is to date because I’m so afraid of rejection. I’ll go on one date and then not agree to another because I’m afraid they will reject me after the second

  26. I just got out of a 1 year relationship due to my mental illness…. please before you get into a committed relationship know how to function and work on yourself, mental illness can severely effect the other person.. me and my bf never communicated properly and it sadly ended in us drifting apart. DO NOT rely on your partner cause that was the biggest mistake I ever made and it makes them feel responsible for your happiness which is not fair or ok.

  27. I agree whit almost every tip

    But there is one where i dont know what to do, the " work on communication "
    When i talk to my girlfriend about my self-esteem and how much i hate myself
    She tells me all the " good " things about myself, and thats cute and all
    But its hard for me to see those things, even if she constantly tells me
    And when i told her that she got angry
    Now i dont know what to do
    Ive been lying to her for a month now, i tell her that i feel good and that nothing is happening in my mind
    Thats all a lie

    And before you tell me that she isnt the one for me, we've been best friends for 3 years before we started dating, and she is the only one who i strust enough to truly know me

    (Sorry for the broken english but im from argentina )

  28. Hi I have been through 8 nervous breakdowns due to discontinuing my medication ,however for almost the last 2 years I haven't had one although was close when I tried again to stop taking medication after being prayed for.I have now decided to take my medication and pray when I take it and as a result I am much more stable.I sometimes tutor mathematics and other subjects.All praise to God

  29. My life can be described as 'If you never learned what love is, you can't recognize it and therefore you can't give or receive love.'

    Similarly, if you've never been normal, you can't distinguish between real normal and TV-show-family normal, so you can never know if you are getting closer or farther away from normal.

  30. And my marriage I have shared videos telling about the disorder that I have which is borderline personality disorder and I also have PTSD generalized anxiety disorder and those are tour comorbid and then I was also diagnosed as comorbid bipolar too so I share videos about my disorder with friends and my wife so I asked to help educate

  31. It’s Better to be friends first… and once trust is established, then to see if they are willing to be more…

  32. I have had relationships that never grew or any true love or much of anything else most women don't want a man that is physically ill or mentally ill

  33. I am dating a guy for about 3 weeks online and long distance(I am gay living in strict country with anti gay law). I just told him that I think I have depression and he was thoughtful and said we are in this together. I love him but I felt numb. I cried that finally I have someone who wants me but deep down I wanted him to break up with me.

  34. I subscribed because of this video..it gave me hope that relationships are possible with mental illness. I have been going to therapy for a very long time and i dont want to be alone my whole life to wait till im the perfectly adjusted person because that may never happen. Thank you for giving me tools to help my relationships as i work on myself as an individual

  35. I'm convinced that everyone has a type of mental illness, it just comes out in different ways. The media loves to compartmentalize things. It's already been proven that 90% of addicts are covering up mental illness symptoms, and coming from families of dysfunction are the norm. It's like trying to compartmentalize victimization, who cares if it was skin to skin or over the clothing? It's still victimization! Be brave, step out and "Be the change you want to see in the world."- Ghandi

  36. Very nice video! The end stood out to me we need someone who will understand have compassion love us for us even struggling with a mental illness. I think love helps alot dealing with an illness that's what most people really just need is genuine real love. ❤

  37. There's no such thing as getting over it. Sexual abuse, abandonment, emotional abuse, neglect. There will be baggage the rest of my life. If I wait itd be forever. Seems pointless to me.

  38. Omg I so needed this. I’m having an anxiety attack just realizing how much mental illness I have. Lol.

  39. Im afraid Im never gonna be ready to have a good relationship because mental illness doesnt have cure

  40. Dear Dr. Morton: Who is going to educate society about people in society with mental illnesses? Who tells the public that having PTSD doesn't mean this person is a bomb, waiting to randomly go off? It sure isn't the media. Or most dating coaches. The slogan "No Drama!" also translates to "No mental illness people dated here." Dating coaches, at least on Youtube keep saying "Don't date the crazy!".

    When a Congressman in a town hall won't make eye contact with a veteran describing how facilities and resources no longer exist to support in patient hospital stays for veterans with PTSD, and he answers with the stock phrase "Thank you for your service." before diverting to a vague discussion around funding health services, we have a serious problem.

    By the way, I'm that veteran. I've been in treatment for 20 years.

  41. What if most of your unhappiness comes from not being in a relationship and makes you feel inadequate because no one wants to be with you?

  42. Hi there. This was presented so skilfully and with so much reason and good will. Knowledge truly does allow us to overcome anything, with enough time. It took me until this year to embrace BPD (borderline personality disorder) as an appropriate label for who I am. I know of course that that kind of thing doesn't work for everyone. I've unfortunately never had a relationship, as it took me years longer to start getting the hang of friendship. Everyone went off to uni or somewhere when 6th form ended, and I got sectioned. So it's a pickle, feeling the weight of rough experiences, wondering how much to tell people and when. I had to accept that most people out there don't care about me, because they're dealing with their own individual madness (if they accept it or not!)- walking the tightrope. It was simply that I was looking in the wrong places for an imaginary future, forgetting to look around me. It's unforgiving out there, so self-acceptance and forgiveness is key. Is it my fault that my brain is wacked up? No! Thanks for an enlightening video!

  43. Learn how to negotiate, and to express yourself in a way that will be understood easily. That is the number one thing I've been working on recently.

  44. I have an idea for the mentally ill, because I believe that I am interacting with someone that is invisible could I where a headset with say Google Assistant  constantly being a guide to me, I think that some great psychologist can develop such a learning and healing tool such as this.

  45. I wouldn't ask your spouse to research your bipolar disorder, because what will happen is they will go on the internet, read an article that says it's a hard battle, then they'll read 100 comments from people saying that there is no hope for a bipolar spouse and that nobody should ever be in a relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder. And after about the tenth article and the 1000th comment, they will decide to divorce you.
    That was my experience.

  46. My mom died in my arms 2 years ago giving me PTSD. Now my boyfriend of 4 years has to deal with my triggers. It is very hard but I love and appreciate him so much for even being there for me through this.

  47. You are born in monochrome and when you discover colour you make yoursefe known to thyself by colourful knowlage before you step back and fully apreciate the masterpiece that is your-own-self to share this with a loved one is a big comitment

  48. Have never been in relationship. Have many problems, I don't believe anymore any kind of relationship can happen for me.

  49. 1)Its bullshit. I might have to take care of myself mentally but they are areas that my partner might take care of herself in. Id say. Go for it anytime any feels.
    2)processing your past is bullshit too. Theres nothing to process here. Id say move on and on…early mornin.
    3) theres no me time. Theres only time to do whatever the hell i wanna do.
    4) communication is overrated and doesnt exist.
    5) theres no going slow. Im just like everybody else. I want to move 200mph in a 50 mph zone. Now we are moving.

  50. My partner never seems happy to talk to me. We're still in the honeymoon phase and he has bpd, depression, cptsd and general anxiety disorder. He seemed to enjoy talking in the first month but now he can go days without talking to me at all and he takes hours to respond to simple text messages. I don't know if he's just not interested anymore or what. He claims he is but he also admitted he feels nothing when we talk but says he does like me a lot and wants to have a future with me. I am being driven into insanity with how distant he acts and how unhappy he is when we talk. He sounds like a robot all the time now when he didn't before.

  51. Okay I really have to get this off my chest I met a girl when I was in school to be honest I’ve never seen a girl in this world who was that beautiful God!!everything about her was like a dream be it her face, her eyes, her hair, and her voice.. I don’t know how I fell in love with her 😕I used to sit behind her so in some time we became friends. We exchanged numbers started messaging this was before WhatsApp like text messages late night chats..Then my friends knew how much I was crazy about her so they forced me to propose her I did 😕she rejected me 😔I went into serious depression like really why did she reject me? I don’t drink I don’t smoke what’s wrong with me still I gave my exams somehow I passed and school was over. Then suddenly after 3 years I saw her walking on the road while I was in a bus my God I still remember how happy I was to see her she didn’t see me but I was so energetic so nice to everybody around me. Everyone wondered why I was so happy? To be honest she makes me feel like I’m the strongest person In this world I can achieve anything I can defeat anyone…But then in reality she was in a committed relationship with a boy.Just to see her beautiful face again I started to find out where she stays so that I could just see her once again..that would make my day or even my life just “once”but I never got to see or talk to her again she’s just not interested I came to know because we have common friends they told me..all these years she has been coming in my dreams even when I don’t think of her she’s just there like in my subconscious mind I think 🤔 I pray to God to let me forget her like I never ever met her but I couldn’t. I’m really a lonely guy who wants nothing but companionship I respect women I’m a virgin I don’t know how to perform sex I look at girls in a very respectful manner people say all rich dudes get beautiful girls yeah must be true I’m decently rich but that’s got me nothing. No girl looks at me forget about talking.. even if I try to build a friendship they just ignore and walk away..my friend told me that girls just don’t appear from sky!! Use a dating app. Ok this might freak out you people but I was on at least 10 dating apps and 2 marriages making apps for 6 months like imagine I tried so much to get a girl…but no girl approached me back. I just need that one girl in my life…I’ll forever stay loyal to her but that’s just not going to happen.Now I feel my existence is worthless don’t know why I’m still alive why I’m breathing..? I have stopped cutting my birthday cake I’m not celebrating my birthday it’s been like 4 years now every year I come up with some excuse to not celebrate because my parents are not aware of how tired I’m of living. Well God bless everyone I’m really a cursed person I feel so I’m just waiting for death now.Even if I die there’s no one who will shred a tear even my parents they’ll forget me in like 2 days after I’m cremated. I have no purpose to live but on the other hand I do have a carrier but no idea for whom I’m studying for whom I’ll earn and on whom I’ll spent?? Since the day I was born I saw nothing but saddens now I’m completely damaged I hope I leave this world soon..

  52. Is there a reason why I feel like I jump in too quickly with someone? As soon as I think I am liked and accepted by someone, I always cling on way too quick because I dont want that feeling to go away… I just feel this need to be in a relationship 😥

  53. Kati,

    I have began a relationship with a girl who suffers from terrible depression. I experienced depression in my early 20s and it was the same. I couldn’t get out of bed, I wouldn’t shower, eat etc. at some point, I got better. But I was haunted by a past and an addiction that had consumed my life. I got out slowly, went back to school, and overall dug myself out with the love and support of those close to me—but most of the change came from me not wanting to be in the dark anymore. When I met this girl, she was wonderful and she still is, but lately she has been isolating herself completely from everything. I had thought a break up would be better and she agreed but we are in love and chose to give it another shot. I try to be supportive even if it’s at a distance and she has told me I am doing everything right for her and support her the best way possible. She’s never been in a relationship so it has come down countless times to her telling me she is not sure how to incorporate me into the fog she’s in. She says she doesn’t mean to, but I realize by her being my partner and my friend, I am going to hurt. I don’t put my feelings on her and respect her space when she asks for it. While I have spent the last two years of my masters studying all these mental illnesses and the complexities they are…..I have never seen anyone this depressed. She is on medication and is about to start therapy again because she wants this to work but she has also told me countless times that she feels unworthy of having me in her life but I do not see it that way and am willing to sit on the sidelines for her. She has told me she has gone through these episodes alone her whole life and isn’t sure how to keep me in the loop without dragging me into it. I want this to work but sometimes it’s exhausting trying to handle her cancelling plans. Or spending time together if she’s just laying in bed the whole time. At what point is it okay for me to walk away? I don’t want to enable her but I also know it’s not my job to tell her how to get better. I can only be here for her. I realize my self care is critical if I am to be a support for her, but I am running out of energy. I don’t want to break up but I do not know where to go from here. We’ve been together for 6 months and continue to speak about staying together but lately we have been having so many issues. She hasn’t communicated lately but I at least have some idea of what’s going on now as opposed to feeling ignored by her. I want to continue to be there for her but is there anything more I can do?

  54. Hi Kati! Can you record a vídeo about the opposite situation? I mean, how to deal when we love someone who has depression. Thanks!

  55. My husband is mentally I'll with alot going on. Love is unconditional and no matter what he will always have me to support love in every possibly way. Love is patience…and you dont jaut give up on someone just cos they've got mentally illness. Love them all the way..

  56. Hi I'm Jesse Ronald self age 34 single white male I'm living with my parents I have ADHD and autism and multiple mental health issues need girlfriend with mental illness must be cute and funny impulsive is a plus send letter and phone number recent pic of you to Jesse r self 4423 lever Ave olivehurst ca 95961

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