Alternative Healing Methods

Alternative Healing Methods


Athena: Hi everyone. Aloha. Welcome to another week of Trauma Recovery
University. I’m your host Athena Moberg and normally
with us in the green room would be your incredible co-host Bobbi Parish However she is not with
us tonight. She’s feeling just a little bit under the
weather. So thanks for everyone who is already here
on the Twitter stream and hanging out and supporting one another. You guys are always so amazing. If you guys want to just send some prayers
and healing to Bobbi, that will be amazing. And if you are new to this broadcast, then
you’re probably wondering who is this and am I in the right place? Who are these people? I’m Athena Moberg and I’m an adult survivor
of childhood sexual abuse and Bobbi Parish would normally be with me. We come here every single week and we show
up and we do a live Q&A for the global community of adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. So if that is you or if you’re a survivor
of any type of child abuse, then this broadcast will likely be very helpful for you. Tonight’s topic is alternative healing methods. And I thought it would be really helpful to
begin with to just discuss what alternative healing methods even are. We sort of approached this topic earlier this
morning. We have three Twitter chats a week. This is the second of three. The first is that 10AM Pacific, 1PM Eastern
every Monday. The second is this one right here where you
are watching this video or listening in on a podcast platform and that’s at 6PM Pacific,
9PM Eastern every single Monday using the hash tag #NoMoreShame and then the third Twitter
chat of the week for the global community of adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse
is the original sex abuse chat with Rachel Thompson and that is it 6PM Pacific, 9PM Eastern
every single Tuesday. So if that is you and you are healing welcome,
welcome. We are so excited. Over on the Twitter feed you will find an
entire community filled with awesome supportive people all using the hash tag #NoMoreShame
all healing from various forms of childhood trauma and all here to support one another. So welcome. I am so excited and so honored that you’ve
chosen to spend this hour with us this week. Every single week we show up with a different
topic. Topics are always suggested by our community. That is typically how we get every single
idea that we have for a topic to discuss on any given week. So this week’s topic as I said is alternative
healing method. And I thought it would be just really helpful. First of all I do want to issue a trigger
warning. If you are a survivor, this chat could be
very triggering for you and I would like to encourage you to reach out to our friends
over at RAINN and that’s the Rape Abuse Incest National Network and they can be reached at
rainn.org. You can find them on Twitter at @RAINN01. You can also call them twenty four seven,
three sixty five if you’re located in the United States at 1800-656-HOPE. If you are located in the UK, then you can
reach out to the Samaritans and that’s the Samaritans.org. You can also e-mail one of their staff members
who happens to take e-mail from any survivors that are in crisis or just need some questions
answered about their abuse and her name is Jo and you can email her at [email protected] I don’t have all of the other text numbers
and telephone numbers memorized the way that Bobbi normally does. I sort of have my part memorized that I’ve
been doing for two years and she has her part memorized that she’s been doing for two years
and she’s not here with me tonight. So I hope that anyone over there on the Twitter
feed using the hash tag #NoMoreShame if you could please tweet out any of those text message
crisis lines or information in Australia. We have some information in Germany; we have
information in Ireland and even in Canada. So if you guys happen to know those or you
wanted to search in some previous tweets from last week or any of the prior weeks over the
past couple years, that would be incredible if you could just share that on the Twitter
feed using hash tag NoMoreShame and I’d like to just real quick before I jump in and share
what alternative healing therapies or healing modalities even are and then we will jump
into some like OnePage content which we do every single week but before I do any of that,
I just wanted to just thank each and every one of you for sharing the little mem that
we made regarding at the conference this coming November. There is a conference for adult survivors
of childhood trauma and healing helping professionals that would like to learn more about trauma
informed care. Bobbi and myself are very dedicated and very
excited and passionate about trauma informed care and for those of you that are wondering
what trauma informed care is, there is a medical model which addresses our symptoms and then
seek to find out what is wrong with us in a diagnosis and in seeks heal that diagnosis
and trauma informed care is more of an empowering modality where you come in, you share your
experience, the helping professionals then help you of course in a compassionate trauma
informed way and then empower you to seek to find ways to improve your life and be triggered
less if you’re living with any type of post-traumatic stress, if you’re healing from developmental
trauma, complex trauma, PTSD, a lot of those things that can result from childhood trauma
specifically childhood abuse. So if that is you and you guys have shared
the mem that is talking about our conference, I just want to say a very, very, very special
thank you to each of you and if you’re interested in attending this conference and you are helping
professional or a survivor, it is not too late to purchase tickets. You can go to TraumaRecoveryUniversitylive.com
or bit.ly/TRUcon16. And you can get all the information on early
bird ticket pricing which is still in effect until the end of September I believe and just
the entire agenda, list keynote speakers, the incredible Jodi Aman will be there, Bree
Bonchay speaking about narcissistic abuse, Bobbi and myself, our very own Matt Pappas
from Surviving My Past, the blog for survivors of childhood abuse dealing with PTSD, dissociation
and anxiety, anyone in the mental health community really that is looking to learn more about
trauma informed care, we’re so excited to meet you in person in Orlando, Florida, November
11, 12 and 13. So there’s my shameless plug and really looking
forward to meeting each and every one of you and just real quick, if you are listening
on a podcast platform like iTunes or Stitcher and you’re finding this broadcast anywhere
but on our YouTube channel or our Roku TV channel or on one of our website, we want
to say a very special thank you and welcome and remind you this is a video broadcast and
as a thank you for just being here with us, for being a listener, a viewer, a subscriber
or likely say just an awesome survivor, we want to give you complimentary access to this
week’s OnePage downloadable PDF resource. That is yours, just complimentary free as
a thank you just for being here. We just want to say thank you for taking the
time out of your week to want to further your recovery journey. This is your journey. Everyone’s journey is different and everyone
is healing from childhood trauma at a different pace in a different way and we’re just here
to support you. This entire community is amazing. And to get access complimentary to that OnePage
downloadable resource, you’re just going to go over to one of our website and you can
find that NoMoreShameProject.com or TraumaRecoveryUniversity.com and you’ll see a tab that says Downloadables
and if you just click that tab, you’ll be given immediate, you’ll be asked your e-mail
and then given immediate access to tonight’s downloadable OnePage resource which is titled
Alternative Healing Methods OnePage. So we’re so excited that you’re here tonight
I’m going to go ahead and just read a brief lists on what alternative healing methods
even or some examples of some alternative healing methods so that we’re all just sort
of on the same page. So I’m going to go ahead and just read this
to you. It’s not exactly in a screen share form. I went on Google and I just typed in alternative
medicines, alternative healing methods and I got this great list of sort of the top 10
most popular ones and one of the most popular healing alternative healing methods is acupressure
and it’s similar to acupuncture which is also on the list in the top ten. You guys might have also heard of aroma therapy
or perhaps there’s one called ayurvedic medicine. It’s originated in India and has been around
for a couple thousand years and practitioners use a variety of techniques including herbs
and massage and specialized diets, bounty of therapy, biofeedback which is something
that is sort of been like the buzz lately. Everybody’s talking about biofeedback especially
in healing from not only complex trauma but addiction. So chiropractic made the top 10 list, homeopathy,
any homeopathic type medicine especially natural pathy is even on here as well. Natural pathic medicine is premised on the
healing power of nature, reflexology which can sort of be described as foot massage. But the theory behind reflexology is if you
look at the bottom of your foot like here are your five toes and here’s sort of your
ball of your foot and your arch and then the heel of your foot and it’s sort of a picture
of your entire body, the middle being sort of your stomach and then the bottom being
sort of like down like by your feet and up towards the top being your head and if you
press certain areas on your feet, then you receive relief or healing in those areas. And then one more that made the list is Reiki,
which we’re going to go ahead and talk about in our OnePage as well. So that’s just kind of a brief peek at what
alternative healing medicines are and I’m just going to check in. Normally what this will look like, I will
be monitoring the Twitter feed with you guys and sort of saying hi and hanging out with
you. Hi Mark. Hi Tammy. Hi Amy. Oh my goodness, Amy’s here. Hi Amy and hi Lynn. My domesticity violence chat peeps, if you
are a survivor of domestic violence I highly suggest checking out the hash tag #domesticviolencechat. Hi Lindy, Khalicia, Maggie, Jack, Matt, Liz. I’m
forgetting some people. I know that Edna and Laura, I know they’re
here. Hi Don and I know Phoenix. Where’s Phoenix? I thought I saw August and Kristi earlier
as well and maybe even Jody. I’m not able to sort of keep in touch and
like hang out with you guys like I normally would like to but I’m sure you’ll just bear
with me and I’m just I’m happy to be here. I’m going to go ahead and probably just jump
into some OnePage content so we can go through that and maybe just go a little bit deeper
than we normally do because typically we would have a chance to sort of talk this all out
and unpack it all but maybe I’ll do that while I’m reading the OnePage so that we can go
a little deeper. That sounds like a good idea, unless there’s
some questions. This is live Q and A for a reason. So I really wanted to check and see if anybody
had any questions. Hi Katie. Hi Beth. Would a service dog be an alternative form? Pet therapy is like alternative. So we have this pet therapy in the past. So yes Beth that is a great question. I’m trying to see if there is any question. I don’t see any. Sorry for the pause guys. I don’t see any question. Well, I will check back to see if there’s
any questions from you guys in just a little bit, but for right now what I’ll do is I’ll
go ahead and I’ll just jump in to our OnePage and we can go a little bit deeper tonight
on our content. How’s that sound? I’m assuming that sounds great. Tweet me and let me know if y’all can see
this. I’m hoping that it working. It’s hard to tell sometimes because it takes
a while. We have a little bit of a delay on our hands,
when we’re doing screen shares. So hopefully, you all can see this: Alternative
Healing Methods OnePage. Healing from childhood abuse is a complex
process. The layers of the damage done to our thinking,
our emotional processing and our bodies are thick and sometimes in twined with one another. This is why it often takes multiple therapy
modalities to recover. In previous videos, we’ve discussed expressive
therapies, dialectical behavioral therapy, music therapy, thank you Laura for combining
that list, cognitive behavioral therapy and even pet therapy. There you go Beth. We’ve also discussed movies and books and
Maggie and a whole bunch of you guys actually Jack and a whole bunch of you contributed
to compiling of that list for our survivor community. I have to get access to that on the website. We encourage seeking treatment from medical
and mental health professionals and we also think many survivors can benefit from alternative
healing methods. In this OnePage, will provide a few alternative
methods we have found to be powerful. Oh I wanted to look at you guys for a minute
here. Hopefully you all can see me. I wonder if you guys can see me. I think you can. Okay so one of the things we’re discussing
tonight is Ho’oponopono and we mentioned this in a couple of previous broadcasts and
you guys were like really excited about it. So really quick, Ho’oponopono is from ancient
Hawaiian culture and this morning during chat, it was really difficult in one hundred forty
characters to describe what Ho’oponopono is especially since part of it is about communicating
“I’m sorry, I love you, thank you, will you please forgive me.” And of course we as survivors of childhood
sexual abuse, we don’t need to be apologizing to our abusers for anything. We weren’t the ones that caused them. It doesn’t matter what we did as children. It doesn’t ever give our abusers a green light
to be like “yeah, you were the wrong color shirt and it’s time for you to get abused
or you spoke wrong or you didn’t clean your room or you didn’t clean your plate” or
whatever it might be like there is never an excuse or a green light or just like a free
hall pass to abuse children like abusing children is always wrong. It always will be wrong. So I want to look at you in the eyes and I
want to tell you that during the discussion of Ho’oponopono tonight when we discuss
“I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you” this is not directed towards
our abusers. I am not one of those people that are all
over the Internet that say that they’re thankful for their abuse. There are some YouTube videos you all if you’re
like on the internet searching for healing from childhood sexual abuse, there are a lot
of YouTubers that make videos, that vlog and I will hear them say time and time again that
they are thankful for their abuse. “I’m actually grateful that my dad sexually
abused me. I know that may sound odd but I’m thankful
that he chose to sexually abuse me.” I’m sorry but you’re not going to ever hear
Bobbi or myself say that we are grateful that we were sexually abused and nor do we suggest
that you are beautifuls, that you guys need to be grateful for your abuse. No and I just wanted to look at you in the
face and tell you that as we dig in to Ho’oponopono. It was part of Ho’oponopono is please forgive,
me I’m sorry. Thank you. I love you. So just wanted to say that to your face before
we have any missed construed information, so here we go. I’m going to screen share again. That was worthy of me, get mad at there and
looking at you real quick. So here it goes. All right so Ho’oponopono. Ho’oponopono is a method of healing and
reconciliation which arises from the native Hawaiian culture. It is based upon the belief that our life
experience derives from our subconscious mind. It is a simple yet powerful process comprised
of making four statements: I am sorry. And this is what I was mentioning earlier. We apologize to ourselves for the damage we
may have done to ourselves in order to cope with our trauma such as over eating, drinking
or cutting. Now I’m going to pause right here. I know that we received many messages from
you all, DM’s and Facebook messages and YouTube messages and emails saying that you
prefer when we just read the OnePage straight through but I have to pause on this first
bullet point and I need to expound upon this in a way that would not fit on this OnePage. Now, you heard us talk about the work of grieving,
grieving our childhood, grieving the innocence that was stolen from us, grieving the relationships
that we never had, grieving the relationships we wished we would have had. Part of this grieving process for many survivors
is grieving the healthy coping strategies that we so often are unable to access. In the midst of our trauma, we go to our immediate
whatever is the first thing we can come to and typically that is to avoid our pain, numb
our pain or stuff our pain. Again that bears repeating. The very first instinct that we typically
have when we are beginning our healing journey from childhood abuse and we are overcome with
trauma and memories and flashbacks and all kinds of different symptoms that can be debilitating,
we tend to stuff, avoid or numb. Now those three things are going to cause
us to suffer more and some ways that we avoid or numb are by over eating or by drinking
alcohol or taking too many drugs or even self-harm such as cutting and one thing that is not
on the list here which I would like to talk about briefly is eating disorders. When we choose to withhold calories or to
binge or purge, that is self-harm and when we are going through the process of Ho’oponopono,
this is a divine relationship with our Higher Power and ourselves and we are teaming up
with ourselves on the evil that was brought on to our bodies. I want to say that again. The process of hope of Ho’oponopono is it
can be considered a spiritual experience with our Higher Power and us and we join up with
our bodies, we’re on the same team with our bodies, we don’t decide to hate our bodies. We don’t hold that contempt that we’ve had
for our bodies especially if we experience pleasure during our abuse at any point if
we are sexually abuse. A lot of times people that have been sexually
abused and if they experience orgasm or climax, they hate their bodies and they feel betrayed
by their bodies but an orgasm or climax during intercourse or during any type of vaginal
or arousement or touching or anything, that is the body’s natural response. So if we experience an orgasm or if we experience
pleasure physically during our abuse, again even if it’s on a subconscious level, we later
on down the road when we are remembering our trauma and we’re processing our abuse, we
tend to have a deep, deep, deep level of self-hatred or we feel betrayed by our bodies and so what
we end up doing is we separate ourselves from our bodies and we begin to hate our bodies
because we feel betrayed by them. So this beginning process of Ho’oponopono
is us getting on the same team with our bodies and our Higher Power and we are literally
ministering to our bodies and telling our bodies that we are sorry. We’re sorry that not that we caused our
own abuse or anything like that, it has nothing to do with that. We are we are saying we are sorry to our bodies
for damaging them or for cutting because we just want to feel like we’re alive or we’re
sick of feeling numb or for binge eating, for purging, for withholding calories, over
drinking, taking drugs, recreational drugs, over eating to the point where we make ourselves
sick. These are all ways that we avoid dealing with
our trauma and we are saying to our bodies that we are sincerely sorry and that we love
our body and that we want the best for our body. This can be very, very, very painful for survivors. Survivors usually feel betrayed by their bodies. They hate their bodies, they don’t like their
curves. They don’t like the way their bodies are shaped,
they’ve always felt overweight or underweight, they don’t like the way their muscles tend
to be either toned or not toned and we are telling our bodies that we are sorry for all
of the abuse that they have gone through. We are sorry that they endured trauma. We are sorry that they endured abuse and violation
and we are sorry for the part we played in over eating, drinking alcohol, cutting, taking
drugs or anything that is unhealthy to our bodies. The next stage is “forgive me”. We are literally seeking our own forgiveness. We are literally asking ourselves. I hope you will forgive me for the damage
that I may have done not only psychologically through avoiding or stuffing or numbing were
just the delay, not dealing with things for a really long time because I avoided for so
long or for me personally I dealt with anorexia. I dealt with bulimia. I’ve dealt with body dysmorphia which is not
an eating disorder but it’s a body image disorder. You can Google that, body dysmorphia. You can also reach out to Brian Cuban on Twitter. He’s at @BCuban and he has written book and
I think it’s the second one coming out on the topic of Body Dysmorphia. It’s called shattered image, excellent book. I read it in one sitting, highly recommend. So we’re literally asking our bodies to forgive
us. And again we’re on the same team like our
bodies are a part of us. The sooner we get in touch with our bodies
and stop hating our bodies and stop hating the way our stomach does that thing, hate
the way our knees are shaped, hate the way our toes are chubby, hate the way our toes
are shaped, hate our hands, our fingernails, our arms, the color of our skin, our freckles,
our blemishes, the way our nose is shaped, our lips are too small, they’re too big, our
eyes are too wide set or too narrow, we don’t like our cheekbones, we have no cheek bones,
all of these things ask our body for forgiveness and again it’s like a spiritual thing like
whoever your Higher Power. My higher power is God. I have a personal relationship with God through
Jesus. That is my spiritual belief. I’m a Christian and so I’m literally in an
attitude of almost prayer and seeking forgiveness, seeking for my body to really understand that
I’m sorry for all that I’ve done to it, all that I’ve allowed to be done to it like for
many survivors, myself included, there was a period of promiscuity. There was “Oh, sex is what I’m supposed
to do. This is what I’m good for. I was used in this way to go please people
in this way. That must be love and that must be how I can
feel fulfilled so I’m going to go do that.” So I was promiscuous, right? That was damaging. That was damaging to me on a soul level and
definitely on a physical level so I’m literally asking for forgiveness like please forgive
me for not only withholding calories and harming my intestines and my colon through bulimia
but the promiscuity like that was degrading and it was painful so, so, so, so painful. When we think back on things like that it
is so tempting to skip over it and be like “Well I did all I could. I did the best I could.” But that’s not owning it and I’m choosing
to own it. I’m choosing to tell my body. I’m sorry. I’m choosing to say to my body. Please forgive me. I want to be able to forgive myself but it’s
one thing to be forgiven by your higher power and feel like your Higher Power understands
what you’ve been through like that God understands but for you to be able to really forgive yourself
on my cellular level, I mean it’s transformational and it takes a long time. I am not here sitting here telling you that
I’ve arrived. I am in the process of this and Ho’oponopono
is just one of the things that I value and I was so happy that Bobbi brought it to my
attention. A client actually told Bobbi about Ho’oponopono
and I was like oh my gosh I’m very familiar with that. We use it in the school systems here in Hawaii
when there’s bullying and like literally the kids down and there’s like a parent teacher
conference with the principal and all of that and we go through Ho’oponopono, so very
valuable. So that’s number one and number two, the first
and second bullet point: I’m sorry and please forgive me. And again we’re literally teaming up for the
first time with our own bodies. Instead of bringing war against our bodies
by starving ourselves, binge eating, self harm, cutting or even just ugly thoughts about
our body like I hate it when my stomach does that thing, I hate this, why does my hair
grow and so dark, I can’t stand this, I have to shave so often, this that my gosh I have
razor for and I hate my fingernails, my toes are ugly, all of these things that we think
about our bodies you guys, they cause deep, deep, deep damage on a subconscious level
like those are tapes that continue to play and they continue to play in arm and our minds
in the back of our heads and it’s just painful. So I’m going to move on to the third bullet
point here and I’m anticipating a whole slew of e-mails from you all so [email protected]
if you guys have complaints or questions about tonight’s broadcast I’m already sort of anticipating
that we’re going to get a whole lot of this. Usually when I’m by myself and Bobbi’s not
here, I get like a ton of e-mails asking a bazillion questions. So I’m ready. Send them. I’ll do my best answer and within the next
week. I’m moving on to the third bullet point now
and that is thank you. So it goes, I’m sorry, forgive me, thank you. So I’m literally in an attitude of gratitude,
expressing gratitude for all things in my life, tangible and intangible and again this
is with my higher power and this is me thanking my body for getting me through to this point
like I’m choosing to do this with my body because I have major body issues. So I’m sure you could, I mean Ho’oponopono
isn’t just about body. It’s about anything, relationships. Again like I said in the school systems we
use this for bullying but for me I’m focusing on body because it’s something that I can
relate to and I know that so many people in our community have self-hatred that they deal
with on a regular basis especially regarding body issues. So the third bullet point is thank you. Expressing gratitude for all things in life
and so what that looks like for me is I’m saying wow thank you like to my higher power
to God. Thank you God I’m so grateful for life. I’m grateful for breath. I’m grateful for my eyesight, that I have
a sense of smell and taste and that I can hear and that I have a sense of touch. I’m grateful that I have two arms and two
legs. I’m grateful that in this moment where I’m
sitting here right now, I don’t have a lot of pain going on although sometimes I do deal
with some chronic pain and many people in our community deal with chronic illnesses,
chronic pain, different auto immune disorders and I know that it’s not easy to be grateful
for that if that’s what you’re dealing with. Find something to be grateful for something
for, something, one thing, that’s all this is about. I’m sorry, forgive me, thank you. Thank you. Expressing gratitude for all things in our
lives and so I’m saying you know thank you to my body like thank you for getting me through
this far. Thank you even though I damaged you through
so many unhealthy coping strategies, you’ve gotten me this far and I am so, so, so grateful
for that. And then the last part of the fourth bullet
point on Ho’oponopono is I love you. Telling my body that I literally love my body,
I love myself. This does not come easy. This is not something that feels natural,
this is I’m not arrived OK guys. This is not easy. I love you, expressing self love, not easy,
super not easy. I could express gratitude to every single
one of you guys and all the emails and texts and message and all the stuff that you send
me but to point that towards myself, super not easy. So Ho’oponopono is about consciously choosing
to heal our relationship with ourselves and with others. And then here in bold what I mentioned earlier:
note we are not saying we are sorry to our abusers, apologizing for causing our childhood
abuse. Rather we are tending to our minds and bodies
pain and reconciling with our body and our mind in a way that is conducive to healing. We have held contempt for our bodies even
subconsciously and when we choose to intentionally join our body with the goal of wholeness,
miracles happen. Seriously, miraculous things happen you guys. My body has been able to heal itself over
the past ten years in ways that I never thought were possible. I had pre-cancerous cells in certain areas
of my body because of the severe child abuse that I endured and over the past 10 years,
I’ve experienced healing because I’m out of a toxic situation. So if there is any way for you to remove yourself
from the toxicity, that is nearby within local proximity, I’m telling you your body will
begin to heal itself over time. When we choose to grieve, we join ourselves
rather than abandon ourselves and abandonment, depression, self abandonment, those are big,
big, big things. Self abandonment is something which has kept
us bound to our abuse and our pain and I referenced this in the beginning when I talked about
the “I’m sorry” part of Ho’oponopono. We abandoned our bodies; we turned against
our bodies in so many ways. I do not know one survivor who has not turned
against their body in one way or another, whether that is through struggles with hygiene
and when I say struggles, I mean struggling to because of their depression, they struggle
to shower or brush their hair, brush their teeth. And then there’s the flip side of the coin
guys. There’s over brushing your teeth and over
washing your hair and washing your hands too many times and scrubbing your body so hard
that it leaves marks and obsessive compulsive showering and bathing like changing your clothes
four times a day, always needing to look perfect, every hair needs to be in place, your makeup
always needs to be done, it goes both ways. It goes both ways and both are things that
are not healthy. There needs to be some sort of a healthy balance
and it’s difficult for survivors especially if our abuse happened when we were really,
really, really, really young like between the ages of zero and eight. So hopefully Ho’oponopono and how we touched
on that, hopefully that was helpful for you. I’m going to go ahead and move down to the
second area that we are talking about and that is Reiki healing. Reiki healing is based on the Japanese concept
of energy healing, Rei meaning the wisdom of our Higher Power and ki meaning life force
energy. Practitioners of Reiki healing believe there
is the flow of energy in our bodies that when low causes illness and when high promotes
happiness and healing. A Reiki healing session is comprised of the
client lying flat in a relaxed state while the certified and trained practitioner uses
their hands to manipulate the flow of energy in their client’s body. This is not like massage and when we say it’s
not like massage it’s because Reiki does not involve the practitioner touching the
client. Many of us who are adult survivors of childhood
abuse of any kind specifically childhood sexual abuse have major, major blocks and major issues
with being touched and do not enjoy massage. I have received countless messages and emails
asking me how people can get past the fact that they don’t like massage. My husband wants to go and get a couple’s
massage with me. I was on my honeymoon and we got a massage
and I felt so guilty and I shamed myself the whole time because I didn’t enjoy the massage. Athena when am I going to be able to enjoy
massage, when am I going to be able to enjoy touch? Athena I just want to be able to enjoy massage. Athena, when I go get a pedicure. It makes me nauseous. I don’t like the way it feels when people
touch my feet or my legs. It was what my abuser did. I mean I can’t even count the number of messages
I have received on the topic of being touched specifically massage. Reiki on the other hand is different. My girlfriend Diane Larson that I used to
work with at the Ritz Carlton here in Maui, Hawaii, she and I worked in the spot together
at the resort and she ended up leaving the spa at the Ritz Carlton and week and studying
Reiki and she became a Reiki master and then moved to the mainland and I believe she teaches
other people Reiki now if I’m not mistaken. So she became a practitioner and then she
became a Reiki Master and again it’s you lying there in a relaxed state whether that’s face
down on a massage table where you have that area to breathe or lying face up and then
they literally hover their hands over you and you’re usually relax with your eyes
closed. Reiki is there’s a presupposition of there
is energy that flows from one body to another like healing energy and I’ve never personally
experienced relief and enjoyment from a Reiki session. I have had one Reiki session before but it
wasn’t something that was, I don’t think it was the right time for me. I was kind of in a place in my healing journey
where I was sort of just processing and not really ready to take on any new modalities
or think about anything else but if this is something that sounds interesting to you,
I don’t know that you have anything to lose by trying it. So I’m going to move down to the next section
which is called smudging. Smudging is a practice that rises from Native
American culture. I received an email from someone I think it
was like a year ago actually asking me if I had ever heard of smudging and at that time
I had not really even looked into it or studied it or even cared to research it or anything
but they were messaging me. The email I got was from I want to say it
was from Montana like Montana or Idaho and they were just mentioning that someone had
mentioned to them that this might be something that would help them with their healing from
their childhood trauma and at that point, I had never heard of it but here we are discussing
it once again. So perhaps it holds some merit and we’ve done
some research. Maggie our research intern for Trauma Recovery
University did some extensive research which I couldn’t fit everything here on the page
but I highly recommend Googling smudging or even smudging, Native American culture. This involves the burning of a Sacred Plant
usually sage and letting the smoke fill a physical space or surround a person. The goal is to combat negativity clear energy
in a space and start something new. Now my girlfriend Karoline, she moved here
to Maui and she lived in this area. I forget where it was she was living. Oh she was living not too far from me and
then she moved to a new place and she felt really awkward and strange in her new place
and so she actually had her boyfriend come over and perform a smudging ceremony. He lit stage and they did this whole thing
where they filled the whole place up with smoke and they prayed and it was really beautiful
and then this bouquet of sage was wrapped in this beautiful ribbon and she actually
hung what was left of the sage above her door and it is like it’s just any way it’s beautiful. So she’s felt comfortable in her spot that
she lives and now I believe ever since they prayed and did this smudging ceremony so smudging
also invites the presence of our higher power into a place or in to our lives. You can find information about smudging ceremonies
and prayers online. There are a lot of videos that I noticed you
guys on YouTube about smudging and different chants and prayers. So these are some alternative healing methods
that there were so many more you guys, there were so many and I did not have room on the
OnePage to fit all of them. I shrunk the font the smallest I could. So hopefully you guys will look into any of
these that you think might be helpful for you. Ask us about getting plugged into a free online
safe support group for survivors and you can click right there, if you go to downloading
it. You can get access to this complementary screen
share that I’m showing right now by going to nomoreshameProject.com or TraumaRecoveryUniversity.com
and then find the tab that says Downloadables then just click and then look for the one
that says alternative healing methods OnePage. So once again, you can choose to try any of
these alternative methods to see if they’re right for you or you can choose not to but
what if you got to live. So hopefully that is helpful for you guys. We go back over here and stop sharing this
screen with you. OK so I’m going to check and see really quick
if there are any questions. Thank you to Matt and Jack and everyone that
are on the Twitter stream and helping me moderate tonight with Bobbi being out. I really appreciate you guys. Let’s see. Khalicia says, that trauma to our bodies had
affected us mentally so healing through our physical senses also heals us mentally? I would say yes I would say that healing is. I feel like healing is an all over body experience
and it’s all connected. I haven’t thought this thought or said this
thought out loud yet, I’m still thinking about it and try to see if I can say it intelligently
Khalicia. So for instance we can heal our bodies and
get our bodies into a place that is “healthy” without being healthy mentally and emotionally. That’s definitely possible and then there’s
also a possibility to be in a in a place of healing mentally and emotionally without engaging
our bodies but I feel like perhaps the best and I’m not like judging anyone but like I
think for me like the best overall healing experience is one that includes everything. For me personally like where I am in my healing
journey right now, I can look back like 6 years ago and I can say “Wow, basically,
I was in excellent shape. I was doing half marathons. I was training for a marathon.” But, if we’re all being honest, up here in
my mind I was avoiding. I was avoiding like nobody’s business. Like seriously you guys, I remember thinking
about stuff right and I would scratch the surface of healing regarding my abuse but
it was too painful for me to delve into like I couldn’t reconcile the fact that if I accepted
everything that really was true that that was going to change my relationships with
my family members and that was too painful for me to deal with so I wasn’t willing. I was willing to work out and walk a couple
miles every day, three miles a day, I was willing to do these half marathons, I was
willing to train for this marathon but I was not willing to establish and maintain healthy
interpersonal boundaries with my family members. I just was not willing at all. I know that’s not healthy and I know you are
not going to judge me. No judge but I was not in a place where I
could heal physically and mentally and emotionally together at the same time. It was not possible for me at that time. I was dealing with my son getting ready to
go off to college and he didn’t end up going to college. He ended up going into the military that was
super duper, duper traumatic and I kept pushing off and putting my discussions that I needed
to have with my family members on the back burner. In fact, I remember. I had one of my abusers come here to visit
me. A couple of them came to visit me a couple
of times actually and it never really went well. It was always very unhealthy. So I’m still trying to answer your question
Khalicia I’m sorry. The question is the trauma to our bodies has
affected us mentally so healing through our physical senses also heals of mentally and
I’m saying yes but I’m also saying it’s possible to do one or the other and not both. But like for me right now I’m trying to do
both because at the other made their way and it didn’t. When you like what it looked like what the
landscape looked like at the time. Six or seven years ago maybe even eight years
ago at this point, I had one of my abusers come and visit me and I had dreamed of her
coming here. I dreamed of it. I had played it all out of my mind. I was so excited for her to come visit, I
couldn’t wait. It was just something that I was like really
looking forward to. I was like fantasizing about the relationship
I never had and how it was going to be different this time and I can’t tell you how horribly
wrong it went. It was a disaster. She was in full sabotage mode and it was good
moments but for the most part, it was devastating. It was absolutely devastating. But I was trying to keep it together because
I wanted to keep it together in front of my son and I wanted to not traumatize him because
he was going to be leaving to go off to college or go in military as it turned out. So I tried having a conversation with her,
bringing up my abuse with her while she was here, that did not go well. She blamed me why didn’t you say something. If I would have known I could have done something
it’s your fault for not saying something and then we just agreed to disagree and then I
tried to have a conversation with her again like a year later and she pretended that she
didn’t even know what I was talking about and then I tried to have the conversation
with her again and that did not go well and so at this point, I was in a good rhythm like
healing my body physically like going to the doctors, taking my vitamins, exercising, training
for half marathon, training for that marathon, doing really, really well but mentally and
emotionally, I’m being real with myself right now. I was stuffing and I was avoiding and I was
numbing. I was numbing through over exercising. I was avoiding through a lot of ways. And I was stuffing and just I wasn’t dealing
with anything. I just wasn’t doing it. I just couldn’t deal. So I think I intuitively knew that it was
going to be painful when my son moved away because I was a single mom of one boy and
he was leaving and I was going to be empty nesting and I had never done that before so
I think I was sort of like oh this might be kind of hard. I might want to like brace myself you know
but I didn’t know how traumatizing it was going to be and I didn’t know the cumulative
nature of trauma to the degree that I understand the cumulative nature of trauma now. So I wish that for the past 6 years I had
been healing my body physically, intentionally and mentally, emotionally but for the past
6 years I’ve been focusing on the mental and emotional healing and when it came to the
physical healing, I was numbing, avoiding and suffering. So I did a flip flop. Previously I was numbing, stuffing and avoiding
my mental, emotional healing and now for the past 6 years I’ve sort of been mentally, emotionally
healing and stuffing and avoiding and numbing my physical healing. So I’ve been making a slow shift over the
past probably 6 months or so to where I’ve really been focused on physical healing and
meant like overall wellness like mental, emotional, physical, all of that I’ve really been like
on this path but I haven’t arrived and it’s super painful and difficult to do unless you
have a safe community like we have and it is super painful and difficult to do if you
don’t have any healthy habits, healthy interpersonal daily habits in place. If it wasn’t for my daily habits that I have
been developing over the past few years, I would not be able to be healing right now. The fact that I am intentionally taking time
out every single morning to go through everything in my DBT work book, every single day for
years like I’m not saying that I’ve been studying DBT for years but like I look at all the things
that I’m doing from my DBT workbook and I’m like oh I’ve been doing those things for years. Wow that’s why I’m doing so well mentally
and emotionally because I’m doing these things but to have that spiritual practice that quiet
time, fifteen minutes a day every single day, setting the pace for your day, it’s not as
simple as taken fifteen minutes a day but it is as simple as taking fifteen minutes
a day because I feel like I start, I intentionally start my day with the intention of being healthy
mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially and otherwise like I set my intention
first thing in the morning and I sort of touch base with myself throughout the day to see
how I’m doing. And I have accountability in place for myself
with my husband or with prayer partners that I have just from all over the globe that ask
if they can pray for me on a daily basis or will I pray for them and then just quiet time
and deep breathing and making sure that I’m taking the vitamins that my body needs and
making sure that I am connected to the people I need to be connected with, that I am just
radically accepting myself the way that I am and that I am in a place of profound service
to others. This is not part of the alternative healing
OnePage because I don’t know if this is even like an alternative healing method but if
you choose within yourself to be in a place of profound service to others like you literally
have a heart for other people and you want to serve them in a way that is helpful and
life changing, I’m telling you it is therapeutic. It is just something that, I didn’t realize
that that was one of the things that was helping me to heal. For so many years I’ve been in a place of
serving other people and I didn’t realize that that was something that was helping me
so much until I sort of stepped away from any ministry that I was involved in or any
acts of service like service to the community. I didn’t realize that that was something that
was so hugely important to my healing journey until I started to take a step back and I’m
like Whoa wait a second. Something’s missing. I’m not in a place of service to others like
I have been. So I know that it’s difficult when we’re in
a place when we don’t even have enough energy to get make it through the day let alone serve
other people and help them with stuff and I’m not suggesting that you go towards burnout. I’m not suggesting that at all but I am saying
that I’m thinking you need to be very patient with yourself if you are healing physically
and that is something that you’re focused on and it’s going well, honor that and be
patient with yourself on the mental and emotional healing. If you’re healing yourself and you’re in your
place of mental and emotional healing and that’s something that you’re committed to
and it’s going well for you, don’t try to add too much back on your plate and then battle
overwhelm. For me the physical healing was something
that I dove into and it was like yeah. And then looking back, I can see that I was
avoiding mental and emotional well being and then over the past few years, I have been
really focused on a place of mental emotional wellness but I can see that I have lacked
in the physical and working out cardio like any weights or anything like that like strength
training. I haven’t been doing that. I’ve been eating excellent. I follow the anti-inflammatory pyramid. I’m taking supplements like nobody’s business
like I’m doing those things but I need to kick up my cardiovascular exercise and my
strength training and sort of like I have a few yoga balls that I stretch on and some
floor exercises that I do and I actually really love zoomba and I love the hip hop aerobics. It makes me super happy. I love just dancing randomly to like songs
and singing and but I kind of like hip hop aerobics classes like where you’re with a
bunch of other people. So hopefully that answered that question in
a very roundabout way. I should have answered it a little more directly
probably. I will try to find if there’s any more questions
and if I don’t get your question for some reason, I am very sorry. August says “My therapist says that the
fact that I am feeling anything is good because I just denied my whole life.” Yes for those of us who are numbers like who
struggle with self harm because we’re so numb all the time and we self harm because we just
want to feel anything we want to feel alive, I’m with your therapist. Yes that’s amazing August. Dominique says “I’m starting to think that
the ability to feel that it’s too painful means that I’m healing.” Yes it is painful but it is healing like and
healing is so painful. Tina, welcome Tina. Hi Tina Hamilton. Welcome to our chat. I’m glad you’re here. “Never heard anyone speak so openly about
things before or to write I’ve never said anything does this get easier to hear.” Yes it does get easier. I’m assuming Tina. I think Tina is new and I want to say yes
it does get easier like the only reason I’m able to stay here and talk so openly about
all this is that easily is because I’ve been showing up every single week doing this for
over two years but a couple years ago, if you choose to go back and watch those videos
please handle them with an extra measure of grace. Because we fumble our way through them and
there’s tears and there’s crying and so yeah it does get easier, and it gets easier not
only to hear but it gets easier to share and sharing and knowing that you’re impacting
another human life is so healing. So please don’t give up Tina. Don says this is important to serve others
and help others give a meaning to my abuse that is not for nothing. Yes, yes, yes Don you’re absolutely right
and there’s a lot of people talking about the smell of musk. Yeah, not a big Musk fan. Grapefruit, I’m not sure. Maybe Grapefruit is healing I’m not sure. Oh Maggie girl friend, I am with you. I cannot and it surely it is a trigger for
me I had an ex-boyfriend that Patchouli and I just it’s not something that I can handle. I just cannot handle Patchouli Maggie. Thank you Cimmy. Cimmy says “Athena, you may never arrive
but that’s okay. You have us.” Thank you. I need you guys and I’m grateful for you. So let’s see here. Oh Tammy says that she bathed in lavender
and she uses lavender oil under her nose when having painsomia and she takes melatonin to
help also. I love lavender oil and I have put it under
my nose before when I felt like triggered. Lavender oil and peppermint oil are the only
two essential oils that are not triggering for me Tammy so way to go on the lavender. I’m definitely with you there. Jack loves Patchouli and that is so good I’m
glad you know what works for you Jack. I’m going backwards here. I’m sorry for those of you who are listening
on a podcast and you’re not hearing with me knowing what’s going on. I’m just being silent. Oh no August says “this is all just too
painful. I don’t think I can get better.” August, I was right there in that place. If I could recommend a book to you August
or to anyone, I’m actually going to work right now with husband and wife couple and we’re
doing sort of a couple coaching and going to workbook together and it’s called Healing
the Wounded Heart and there was a book written twenty five years ago by Dr. Dan Alander and
it was called the wounded heart and then twenty five years later, 2016, he did like a reprised,
an updated version of this book and it’s called Healing the Wounded Heart and there’s a workbook
that goes along with it and I am telling you there is freedom in that book and it’s amazing. And there is healing and restoration and transformation
that is happening during our coaching calls and just in my interpersonal relationships
that I’d like I feel so blessed that I get to be a coach for a living like I feel like
I’m healing right along with all of my clients. So Healing the Wounded heart by Dr Dan Alender
and he is the Pacific Northwester Cimmy and Jack. Yeah he sometimes preaches in different churches
and Washington and he heads up the Alender Center for Recovery I think is what it’s called
and he’s a professor or a director at the Seattle School of healing or something anyway
it’s all right there in Washington. Cimmy and Jack, you guys should check him
out, Dr Dan Alender. I fan girl out whenever I start talking about
him. Cimmy says “I’ve been taught that our spirit
and our body are one like joined. You heal one and you’re taking strides in
healing both.” I would agree with that. I think it’s all connected. I do but I also like I said earlier think
that it is possible to focus on one area of healing to the point where you’re sort of
like obsessively doing it and you’re like neglecting like other areas which is what
I did. I’m not saying you guys do that but I did
it for sure. I was super duper focused on being skinny,
skinny, skinny. I needed to be skinny. I had convinced myself that if I could fit
into a pair of size seven jeans that I would rule the world. Not that I want to rule the world but in like
whatever that phrase is. I was convinced that if I was any that the
world would be perfect and that all would be right in the world, all of my memories
would go away, nothing else would matter because I would be skinny and I can’t tell you how
wrong I was so but here I am focusing on being mentally and emotionally healthy and healing
my body from the inside out and I feel like I’m already dropping some weight like my body’s
just sort of like following step or following suit. So I do think that we’re all it’s all very
connected. Matt says, “A friend gave me a sample wood
necklace before. It’s supposed to help calm you down and relax.” Sandal what I’ve heard is very calming. Way to go Matt. Let’s see here. Lavender, rosemary, I love rosemary, aroma
therapy. Oh Dawn says she loves smudging, she loves
the white sage cleansing. Oh Liz says “I am such a people pleaser. I’m working on that and also being able to
say no.” Yes and Khalicia says “Saying no is hard
to do but it is so important” and I just want to just high five to Liz and Khalicia. Girls, saying no or learning how to say no,
just to honor ourselves and to honor what is right for us and not be focused on people
pleasing, oh it is so painful and so difficult and we guilt ourselves and it just goes against
all of our grooming, it goes against all of our grooming, it goes against gas lighting,
it goes against the way we were conditioned but it is something that is an investment
in your sanity ladies. Oh my goodness and gentleman you guys. It’s an investment in our sanity. Music therapy Dawn says “I do music therapy,
aroma therapy, relaxation therapy, positive self talk, etc.” I love all of those Dawn, awesome. Khalicia says “I do this with my current
partner not all the time but I would rather never do it.” What is she talking about? Let’s see. Yes. Oh this started when I was talking earlier
about promiscuity and how I was in my mind I was like “this is what I’m for. This is what I was obviously made for. I was made to be of service to other people
in a sexual way or just in complete boundaryless giving of myself and all of my resources”
and Liz says “Oh my gosh I did the same thing” and Cimmy me says “I swung the
other way and I was terrified of sex in general until I met my ex” and which again it’s
that black and white right. The pendulum swing so far in the other directions
you guys. Khalicia says “I did this too. I was all over the place that’s me. I was so all over the place.” It was either all and like too much or it
was like no, I’m waiting until I get married which is what I ended up doing but like it
was there was no happy medium. Cimmy says “While I was with my ex, I swung
the whole other way. I was being a people pleaser and not a self
healer.” I have totally done that and Khalicia says
“I do this with my current partner not all the time but I would rather that I never do
that.” Yeah. Oh my goodness. Yeah Tina I am so happy that you’re here. I think that you just joined us. So thank you for welcoming her you guys. This is a safe place and I don’t see any other
questions. I wish that I could have hung out with you
guys and like answered all of your questions in real time. I’m sorry that it so late. I don’t have my little fancy screen shares
that Bobbi normally has to welcome all of the new people. But I want to say a very special thank you
to each and every one of you that came and just hung out with us tonight rven if it was
your first time here on our video or here on our Twitter chat. We’re happy that you were here with us. We’re super grateful and you’re here welcome
to come back every week. We’re here every single Monday 6PM Pacific,
9PM Eastern and it’s the global community of adult survivors of childhood abuse specifically
childhood sexual abuse that anyone who has lived their childhood trauma would benefit
from these broadcasts and these Twitter chat because childhood trauma, developmental trauma
affects the brain and it affects so many of our ways of developing whether it’s physically,
mentally, emotionally, spiritually even financially or occupationally. A lot of our survivors struggle with knowing
how to open a bank account or balance a checkbook or hold down a job and a lot of our survivors
in our community live with auto immune disorders and are permanently disabled because of their
childhood abuse, because of permanent brain damage or because of auto immune disease or
because of chronic pain or just a myriad of other things that are going on. So if that is you and this is your first time
here or you’re just discovering this video three years from now at like two in the morning
and you can’t sleep, we have an awesome community. It’s a safe community online. We have tons of different groups. Some groups have hundreds of people in them
and some groups have like a dozen people, just depends on what group you want to be
in. We have 4 groups right now; we’re opening
up more groups. Right now we have one for women only healing
childhood abuse women and then healing together so coed, we have one for LGBTQ community if
you identify with the LGBTQ community and you can be says gender and still be there
as well like if you are a woman or a man born as a woman or a man and you identify as being
a woman or a man but you identify with the LGBTQ community, you’re welcome, you’re welcome
to be there and then we have a fourth group that is specifically for narcissistic abuse. That is if you were born into a family of
origin that is narcissistically abusive or if you have survived relationship in your
adult life with someone who is narcissistic or psychopathic or sociopathic or Mack of
alien or any of the cluster B sort of, anybody that’s cluster B. So if that something that
you would like and then we have a big group that’s going to be starting up very, very,
very soon and that is first survivors of childhood abuse who are also living with chronic pain
or chronic illness and then we have a 6th group that’s starting up and that is if you
are a survivor of childhood trauma, childhood abuse and you also are entrepreneurial minded
or you would like to learn how to start a business in a mentally healthy way. Like how to start a business while living
with mental illness that sort of. I know it’s kind of songy when I say it that
way but I have a real heart to help people start businesses. I did business coaching and I did business
development and I ran Maui business development for five years before I became a coach and
trauma recovery and so I have a real heart for that. Now this is not like starting your business
and then growing and like you know for people who are like fortune five hundred companies
you know it’s going to be more of like someone who’s just going to be starting a business
or someone who’s entrepreneurial minded or wants to start a blog or wants to start an
online business. This is not brick and mortar business. So again that’s the sixth group and that will
be starting a business in a mentally healthy way or like from a trauma informed way for
people who are living with PTSD or complex PTSD and all of those online programs that
try to help you start a business are triggering you because they feel slimy or smarmy or weird
or stale the or like they’re going to dupe you into something or sell your email address
like if that you, then we’re going to have a group for you like that you can talk about
business minded things, that will be a group focused on discussing business tactics, business
best practices and then the one for chronic illness will be if you’re a childhood abuse
survivor and you also live with chronic pain and chronic illness, there will be sharing
different means and quotes and support from a perspective of I’m also dealing with chronic
pain. This is the place where I’m going to come
and heal in safety where I will not feel judged for living with chronic pain. So hopefully that is a good explanation and
description of what our groups are kind of about.Iif you have any further questions about
that please send me an e-mail at [email protected] I’m Athena Moberg and normally you would have
Bobbi Parish here with you as well. She is a little under the weather but I’m
so grateful that you took the opportunity to hang out with us tonight and to meet some
new friends on our Twitter stream using the hash tag #nomoreshame which you can always
use twenty four seven three sixty five and I usually try to monitor it like a couple
times a week when we’re not here but tag me if you’re going to tweet out anything. Oh I don’t have my little below where you
can see how to tweet me here. There you go. Tweet me. Tweet me using the hash tag NoMoreShame and
I’m at @AthenaMoberg. So thank you so much for joining us tonight
and thank you to every single one of you who are on the Twitter stream, thank you to Tina
for joining us. I know it was your first night tonight and
just to all of you. You guys all of you who are just here every
single week. I appreciate you so Trauma Recovery University,
Athena Moberg, we love to bring you everything you need for healthy informed trauma recovery
and I will see you next Monday on live Q&A, same bat time same bat channel at 6PM Pacific
9PM Eastern every Monday using the hash tag #nomoreshame right here on our YouTube channel
which is Trauma Recovery University. Bye everyone.

4 Replies to “Alternative Healing Methods”

  1. Those who were abused by a church should try their best not to focus on the part that mentions "god". This can be a trigger for some. Apart from that this video is not bad. Thank you for your efforts Athena and get well soon Bobbi <3

  2. I just started to remember my about which happened 30 years ago. My mother knew. I mean she knew my stepdad was going to abuse me did nothing. How long does it take to heal. I have ptsd

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