100 Replies to “Are You AVOIDING THIS in Therapy? | Kati Morton”

  1. Kati that's really helpful – I've screwed up months of therapy and different therapist because I just can't trust. I really want it to work. I'm scared to open up again to the wrong situation- It's too hard. X

  2. My therapist is sooooo good at seeing when I’m avoiding an answer, and knowing when to try to push me, and when to leave it alone for now.

  3. I fucking hate when friends dodge my questions, I end up saying "okay.." to them trying to distract and ask them again. Why do they keep doing thst though when questions aren't even that bad? I love being honest and like when people are honest with me.

  4. 4:13 lmfao! Id be that one rare one then. I answer my therapists questions as best as I can, I have no problem answering and have never dodged any questions though… why do so many people have this issue? Might seem like an ego problem to me..

  5. The DBT skill non-judgemental stance really help me not only not judging myself but my therapist telling me she will not judging me really help me to open up.

  6. I don't think I avoid questions – sometimes I just don't get what she is talking about. I say I don't know a lot but I truly don't know – I'm not avoiding it I just have no answer. She asks kinda weird questions and I don't know what she's talking about but she is really nice and she just asks it in a different way or just moves on

  7. Kati, thank you so much! These tactics are what I really needed right now. Thanks a ton. You're helping thousands of people

  8. This was so helpful. I work in the mental health field and so many of my clients do this, so it's great to remember the reasons they could be doing so. Also, as someone who is currently in therapy, I often don't notice when I do this! Thanks so much for talking about this, Kati!

  9. My therapist has been so great at helping with this stuff. She doesn't push, she says things like "I noticed you got a bit teary then, do you want to talk about what that brought up for you?"
    And if I say "I don't know" she gives me time to finish the thought because "I don't know" is an automatic reaction.
    Also, after the first few sessions with her I started struggling with transference and was really anxious and she was so great about validating those feelings while also suggesting that we work on learning to re-mother myself as a goal.
    I can't believe it's taken 10 years and moving interstate to finally find a therapist so amazing.

  10. With my old therapist she would let me talk about the plots of the shows I watched for the first 5-10mins and then would get into the emotional work. It was easier to talk about tv drama than my own life.

  11. Hey kati can you do a video on emotional detachment and desensitization. I think im going to get diagnosed with soon and i would like to know some more information on it.

  12. can you do a video on rumination? i’ve had it for a while now and all my friends think i’m weird for having it 🙁 but your videos help a lot.

  13. Hey Kati. Been a fan for years, but I have to say, I'm not quite a fan of the clickbait-y title. I think maybe "Are You Dodging Questions in Therapy?" would have been more informative and easier to search for.

  14. I avoided questions about the dentist until a counselor forced me to confront it and then I sobbed through an hour long panic attack in her office and so I made an appointment that week. It was hard but exposure therapy amirite?

  15. to your stories prompt: i am grateful for the few friends i have left despite the political insanity and rampant internet sanitization, blocking, and censorship. being fairly isolated, i feel truely lucky to have persons i can still connect with, given what the climate of the internet happens to be right now. i can tell from social media and various discussion groups that most people feel more isolated than myself. namaste. 🙂

  16. I didn't know I needed this video but you've really changed my entire perspective, because this is one of my biggest issues in therapy!

  17. I'm the WORST with this! but my therapist is awesome and holds me accountable with it. If I say "I don't know" he will push me on it and tell me that "I don't know" doesn't help me in this situation.

  18. Anytime I start shutting down in therapy my therapist will either start asking me about my dog or talking about hers and I really appreciate.

  19. If i had a therapist, i would be the one that comes out with everything on the 1st day. I am dying to just talk to someone.

  20. I just started therapy yesterday. This is going to be rough but I know it is needed. Your videos have helped me be more comfortable with the idea of therapy. Thank you.

  21. I do dodge the questions in therapy without even knowing it. Since I know this, I try to stay reaaalllly focused when he asks me a question.

  22. Hi! Does anyone have any recommendations of Kati videos to show in a high school health class? I'm a health teacher and I love showing videos from Kati’s channel to my students (and they love watching them). It is only a semester long class so I usually talk most about depression, anxiety, self harm, and eating disorders, as those tend to be the things that affect my students most. I would like to start teaching how much more there is to mental health. Kati has so many videos, it’s hard to go through them all! In an effort to expand my playlist, what do you wish you or a friend would have seen in high school or, if you have kids, what is a video you would want your child to watch?

  23. Bad as it sounds, my first real therapist I ever had would fall asleep during our sessions. She was a great therapist, but was OVERWORKED. I honestly am glad I got her, because even if she was tuning out, or cat-napping, it helped me feel comfortable getting used to talking around someone in the first place, I've never talked to anyone about my issues before. I knew she was still kind of listening, but it really was a SMALL thing that helped me be able to trust therapists more down the road! Now that I've gotten comfortable talking to therapists about my past and present issues, I would love to gladly thank her for just letting me even get used to being in a room with another person and get used to talking, even if they weren't always listening. I know it does sound bad, but to me, it was truly exactly what I needed at the time! I wouldn't stand for it now of course, but wow, there are TONS of things that you think that wouldn't help a client, that in the long term, really did help me even just adjust to where my journey would take me! Sometimes just being a sounding board (conscious or unconscious) can help someone even with those first dinky baby steps of talking! Thank you Kati! 🙂

  24. I feel like I avoid questions, not just in therapy but I avoid thinking of my feelings. It makes it hard to talk in the therapy because I don't know what it is I'm avoiding.
    Is there any video about this?

  25. "It’s really not very common that I have a patient come into my office and be so open and honest and have no issue talking about anything I ask."  

    literally me, I have the OPPOSITE problem !! I come in guns blazing because I have soooo many things I want to BE GONE from my psyche and my core and my life! I feel so bad for my therapist lol also because I DO dodge ALL attention whatsoever from anyone and everyone else in the outside world, so she is like the only person I ever talk to

  26. Used to be open… But under current trouble (ex bf bs) where im was left alone with with everything. Even Every Sincerely Nice blend aswers to my questions felt just more snd more emotional abuse. Not to mention my mom simply said no, not going read anything i tried to persuade her to read. I was flabbergasted and started to act more annoyed and my touhgts bundled to hundreds of knots. Now, after her meddling (but not protetcting,like mothers should…) to get me a therapist and its so obvious, that the treatment is bias against better knowledge , and i sure as hell am afraid to speak the trutht, and when asked certain questions i get triggered immediately. Also, doctor included do not educate them self's about emotional abuse, narcissism. So, all ready said that im not suposed to feel angry and then quilty in at and after therpy. It only lead to more not being heard etc.

  27. I'm not getting anything out of therapy because I can't even remember the sessions. My therapist doesn't seem to be worried about this, she didn't even bat an eye when I told her.

  28. Serious question ⚠️‼️

    I’m sexually attracted to my therapist and idk how to tell her. Obviously ik it’s nothing serious and she’s engaged, and I only like her because she’s the only person who always says she’s looking forward to seeing me. She’s easy to talk to and listens and is very pretty too. It’s not too distracting because ik it’s just in my head but I’m starting to get nervous whenever we talk. I’m just afraid that if I tell her, she’ll drop me as a patient and she’s the only therapist I could actually stand! Idk what to do ? Any thoughts?

  29. Sometimes I simply dodge the question out of denial… and my therapist keeps repeating the question and I come up with creative answers to beat around the bush. At the end, I just give "I don't know" as usual facepalm

  30. I was listening to a podcast that interviewed a therapist and that raised a question: do therapists care about their patients/clients? I personally love seeing and talking to my therapist and being an incredibly empathetic person, I naturally attach to people pretty quickly but I was wondering if hearing about how your clients struggle through things or FINALLY made some progress and are proud of themselves, are most therapists also as caring to them as a person or is there a professional line you can't cross regardless of how long you've been seeing each other?

  31. Ive been twice to therapy so far and I haven't held anything back. You said almost no one does that.
    Why would that be ?

  32. Advice needed por favor! I technically have two therapists. One is a school based mental health counselor that I seen for 2ish years and I am close with her. The other is a regular counselor at a practice that I have seen for almost a year & I am not at all close with her (she’s a little weird and our personality’s don’t mix). I just don’t know if I don’t like her because I like my school counselor, or if we just haven’t clicked or both? I’m going to try to end counseling today because I feel like I’ve been fine for a while or should I try a different counselor to see if we “click”?

  33. Yeah…After over year of therapy I found out that when my Therapist starting digging there where I dont want -I confusing her,attacking worh difficult questions or about her that to she need really intensively thinking about answers or even once I first time ever said to her that I want die-its not been lie but I know that I will turn cat back.I always later feel awful as its like disgusting manipulation?But as well I dontfeel later satisfaction but just relief that "Ok I come back in control ufff,Im safe"

    I was curious btw…Ive got three different therapist for many years and that like two other didnt really help that this one yeah but-they all not smell at all O.o I bet its bc of possible smell triggers??

  34. Question for you…What makes a therapist believe you do not trust them/open up with them?I have been seeing my therapist over 2 yrs now for anorexia. She disappointed & hurt me a few weeks ago by saying she wanted me to be honest, open and trust her.(& YES, I wads only able to tell her how I felt the next session b/c I journaled about it & was able to read it to her 😉 )
    She knows I have BIG trust & abandonment issues but I do trust her.I responded that there was never any question she asked that I did not answer, why did she think that, and I had rarely(?) deflected. I do not dodge questions blatantly I don't think. It still bothers me….
    I love your tip about goal setting. I haven't done this with my therapist but I know it would help b/c I make lists for all types of things and the satisfaction of ticking them off is great. I'm an objective person.

  35. Hello there!

    I started doing a exercise to look for my own triggers. I started doing that about 6 or 7 years ago. I started by lying down on my bed and travel through every single memories that made me uncomfortable. Sad, ashamed or fearful or whatever undefined uncomfortable emotion. From the most traumatic events, easy to remember, and to the smallest things of the everyday life that I had forgotten. It was really hard sometimes. I would cry and feel like I was there again but after that I was able to put the memory in perspective and it helped me to accept the emotion and heal. Now I can remember so many events without having the bad emotions associated to the memory. Today, I try to process the bad feelings within hours when they are happening in my days and so I overall cover up less. I realized that the more I went towards my fear in general, the more the fear disappeared.

    Sadly I have no idea if it is a good clinical exercise since I haven't been in therapy during that period of time and so the results are only seen by me ans people around me in a way I guess.

    Love your videos Kati!

  36. When I have seen therapists, I want to tell them about everything that has ever happened to me that has hurt me or been painful. I find that eventually, they reach a point where they interupt me and decide that everything else I want to talk about isn't important and we need to focus on something of their choosing, even though I answer all of their questions along the way. I also find that if they had a plan for the session that day, and I want to talk about something new that happened to me and is very much stressing me out, they prefer to stick to their plan, instead of letting me tell them about it and ask for help with it. This is frustrating for me, because I am tend to bottle everything up. When I see a therapist, I want to get everything off my chest so I don't have to keep carrying that burden around, but that goal does not seem to be mutual.

  37. Ironically I watched this right before my therapy appointment yesterday, and I had to share what it was about with my thereapist because I am 100% guility of this. Bringing this up with my therapist kind of led the session. I put myself in the "hot seat" when I brought this up. From that moment on there was no turning back and trying to avoid and dodge the questions weren't working. I'm one that is defintley not good at opeining up it takes me a long time to even begin to open up. It's been almost 2 years seeing my therapist and I have just gotten past the first layer of my wall that protects me, so this video ended up opening a whole new door that I didn't expect to like atlesast trying to talk about some of the more uncomfortable things. Instead of the eaiser things where I could talk in circles about to try to avoid difficult subjects

  38. This was SO SO HELPFUL! Thank you! I really relate to this. I always feel like I should ask about them or feel weird about saying my dark thoughts but this is a good reminder that they are there to help!

  39. Really good if you can afford therapy. Can’t afford it so best to bury the issues right? And don’t give me the BS about sliding scales. The average cost here is 190.00/hr and sliding scale is 20-30 bucks off. Yeah…when I make 15.00 an hour makes it impossible

  40. You did this journal topic at the end of a video literally ages ago which someone recommended called ‘I don’t want to talk about…’
    So you’d start the paragraph with that, then write as much as you can about whatever it is you don’t feel you can talk about. I still do it now because it shows me what I’m holding back, why I’m keeping things in and, if I’m struggling to share things in therapy, I can at least express my feelings through the writing. This video just reminded me of that topic! Soo helpful, thank you, Kati!<3

  41. Can you make a Video on Ketamine used as a treatment for Depression? I looked for a video of yours about this but couldnt find anything. Thank you for all you do and explain

  42. I had a really rough time tonight. I was supposed to be going my testimony to others during the festival in town tonight and tomorrow and I have visions of my abusers. Tonight my vision screamed in my face and I spilled my pop on the table and it sent me into a full panic attack. I felt so embarrassed and like a failure. I had to call my therapist to help me calm down and contain my flashbacks and visions and an anxiety. For my journal most of the time I write about the hard stuff or flashbacks and just hand her my journal to read. I’ve been seeing her for 12 years and it took me 9 years to get to the point that I trusted her enough to get to the hard stuff, and we’ve been doing trauma therapy the last 3 years. I’m the queen of avoiding questions. Thanks for your videos, they help me a lot. ❤️

  43. Hey Kati, what are your thoughts on a client giving their therapist a thank you card/gift? Is it appropriate? Thanks!

  44. Oh shit i feel personally attacked by this video ? okay im gonna keep this in mind and try to get better at it, i hadnt even realized I do this or that it could be hindering my therapy process

  45. I've been in therapy since March, and your videos help me with "tips and tricks" on how to say certain things or just talk in general.
    Again, thank you for all your videos and channel.

  46. I don’t really dodge questions but I often ask my therapist to evaluate or explain the questions a little different so I can have time to process my answer
    One of the tips I use is #2 I’ve only just started but I tell myself that my therapist is a friend, a helping hand and if i don’t open up to him I don’t have anyone else to open up to, so better an educated professional than someone who might not be as reliable or understanding.

  47. Yeah I said “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure” a lot, too scared to say no, say I can’t talk about it yet, or I’m not ready. My counsellor was impatient and rude and said if I was to say one of those lines that we would end the session. So I’d either say it and leave, or just sit in silence panicking or disassociating. She wasn’t great, for me at least.

  48. No, no, one denied but a)support from parents about my break up was non existing to even emotional abuse (and it's painfull to realise how loving family can fuck their kids. Thanks mom and dad) and it made me feel so desperate. B) Healt care personnel were bias and never really heard what I've gone trough. They showed compassion, but didn't really listen, believe. and even made so stupid guestions about issue they even admitted knowing little about. maybe their bias preimpression is just so damn common that they don't even notice. I'm in need of meds, that's it, and my break up from someone possible with BPD is nothing, not an issue etc. All i have told, is BTW only scratch, should be enough to a professional to recommend trauma therapy. I'm in hands of bias people who makes me feel frustrated, guilty, crazy. Like i said, no one "the ones who want my best" like my folks friends, therapist haven't educauted them selves about emotional abuse, abuse by proxy etc. That is so wrong and unprofessional.

  49. I do not know if I'm too late to ask the question I've been down and went thoughts of ending my life a lot and I've to different hospitals they do not do anything for me why?

  50. let's riff off some mantras:
    1) "say it anyway"
    2) "say it anyway. me living completely in the present moment is a matter of my choosing. And I choose the here and now"
    3) "say it anyway. despite the fears. this hour is for me to get the most vitality from my life"
    4) "say it anyway. my only job for this one hour is to look honestly at what would take the most courage, and share that."
    5) "say it anyway. I have chosen this treatment because this expert is competent and responsible, and these are skills that my therapist is qualified to teach. All my prerequisites have been met to imply my cooperation and my participation in treatment."

  51. Hi kati, I AM greatful that my teachers are trying to help me. But i am stil denying that i have an eating disorder. And when they want to talk to me i can't tell the truth i can't say it most likely because i don't want that my parents to now and i don't want to lose control. My question is, is it better to tell the truth even when i don't want to say it? And how do i tell them? I am almost sertainly that when my new mentor ask about my eating i will lie about everything so she don't know i have a eating disorder Just like al the a other times. Can you help me? (And sorry for the bad english i am from the Netherlands) i love you channel

  52. This summer I worked on a toolbox for those hard times. I bought 4 colors of flashcards for the 4 categories of tools I wanted to have on hand. One was positive quotes and phrases, one was for self-care tips and assessments, another was reminders of what helped me most I therapy and stuff my therapist and my psychiatrist worked on with me. The last category was all about gratitude and all of those defining moments that made my life what it is today. I call it the "nodes of life" because it is so I remember what steered me on my lifepath, but positively. I don't want to be reminded of the times I nearly died or felt extremely bad. I ruminate enough on those as it is!

  53. I usually just don't say anything so I don't need to lie or anything like that. But I think it's just because I dont really like/trust the one who I am talking with.

  54. I talk to much to my therapist. Whenever I'm anxious and overwhelmed I talk too much. Sometimes I feel like I only have an hour (50 min) to get everything out. I have a hard time prioritizing my needs.

  55. Thank you Kati! Your videos became so addictive to me ? they’re always helpful & very enjoyable to watch & learn from. Plus, I believe you’ve a special way of conveying complex info to public. Genuinely THANK YOU for all the efforts you are doing & the great work you do! KEEP GOING! Love you lots ♥️♥️♥️

  56. In a way I kind of like that I don't connect with my therapist. Is that okay? Like she feels very clinical and neutral, which is easier to talk to than someone who is reacting or seems to actually care. Idk. The few times she did share personal details to build rapport I didn't like it. Maybe it's just another way to keep my guard up by keeping her a professional and not so much a person in my head. It's easier to not care or get attached that way. Sometimes it makes me second guess her motives when she says something that makes me uncomfortable though. What's wrong with me.

  57. I sometimes avoid questions by not answering them. I usually shut down. Lately it's been better though. I learned it's okay to stumble through my words in a session

  58. Do you have any suggestions for people that know they need to see someone for help but can’t afford any sessions?

  59. Hi Kati! I have a similar problem but not quite. I'm going to a group therapy weekly and all week I'm feeling like shit, thinking about all these things I want to talk about when I'm there. Then, when I'm actually in session, I suddenly feel… neutral? Empty? And I can't seem to recall what was my problem or why would I even feel bad. It leaves me feeling like an imposter and like I'm not getting as much out of those sessions as I could. Do you think you could share some insight on what's happening here and how to overcome this?

  60. Reply to your story:
    I'm really grateful for my Family and Friends, My first source of Happiness (Im not sure if i spelled some things right)

  61. Hi Kati, I love your videos , they’re very informative and helpful. This week I have a second therapy session and the first impression wasn’t great. I’ve tried to contact others professionals but as it’s been difficult to find availability I have to keep going to this one. Could you please tell me how can I, what can I do to make sure the therapist is the right one ?? Thanks!

  62. You are such a beautiful person inside and out and I love watching your videos because your perspective on things is just so positive. I love how you see the good in everyone. I wish you all the happiness 🙂

  63. Katie, I have a friend of mine who can't afford therapy. He is on Medicaid and barely can survive. He had to move back home with his 70 plus year old mother. Doesn't have a real skill for a better job. What free resources are there for a group of people who can't afford therapy? He is now 50

  64. I start my first therapy appointment that ive had in a long while in the morning (its almost 3am right now lol.) I became nervous, and I found your channel. I have spent the last several hours binge-watching your videos and your advice and tips and I feel so much better! Thank you for all that you have done here on YouTube! I am glad that people like you exist ❤

  65. I have the opposite problem – I over share about everything with everyone, haha. I've had therapists who were surprised how open I am.

  66. These tips to overcome this issue are SO ON POINT!! I kind of knew that I've been avoiding talking about some things/phrasing my thoughts and emotions as I perceived them, out of the fear that they were wrong and if I said them out loud everyone (including my therapist) would leave me, but it wasn't a conscious decision, it just happened somehow.
    Writing them down and giving them to my therapist or emailing them was very helpful, as well as letting my therapist know that I tend to "neutralize" my thoughts and emotions when I talk about them, because I am afraid of losing people when they know what I am thinking or feeling..

    Slowly but surely I've been overcoming this block and it is one of the most amazing and helpful things ever in the therapeutic process!

  67. If you are a therapist or counselor and you develope an eating disorder could you still be a therapist and help people?

  68. I need help bad and im 9 and i would still think about killing myself I want to cut myself but I wanna try who knows what I will do I want to kill myself because my family and my freinds keep me alive and I'm 9 oh well I'm worthless

  69. When I have trust issues with doctors or dentists, I try to remind myself that they are experts who want to do their job. I just realized that I could use this same trick when I'm struggling with a new therapist. That thought usually helps me relax a bit and at least open up to the possibility that they are trustworthy and going to help.

  70. My therapist and me are going to see each other again for the first time in awhile and I can tell you from personal experience in therapy I'm not the kind of person that warms to people quickly. I'm not comfortable engaging in full disclosure pretty much anywhere but online. my internet friends know me because I'm very open on facebook but my Facebook is private and is not something I just hand out or would to my therapist.

    You have videos up that pertain to issues I'm STILL not comfortable opening up about in therapy and one of them is the Gendered Alienation I'm suffering.

    I have gotten to point where I'm willing to discuss the severe anxiety that drove the psychotic break i went through and how I'm not Schizoaffective as my Former Doctor slapped me with my Anxiety sometimes interferes with my ability to fall asleep and either renders the sleep into tormented sleep that isn't very refreshing or just keeps me awake entirely.

    which is how I started to break from reality in the first place how I stayed up for days on end etc… It's all beginning to make sense to me.

    I have finally called Luke Dorf Back and set up a meeting to discuss the interconnection of all of it. How I'm delighted that Psychosis is no longer Luke Dorf's primary concern and the realization that I will likely need an SSRI for the rest of my life to prevent anxiety attacks but avoid Paxil because It's difficult to stay consistent.

    I'm aiming for Prozac for Anxiety which is off label but it should work. it has a better half life just in case I miss doses here and there too.

    I'm a pacifist- Paxil withdrawal can turn me into a monster who beat the shit out of his own mother.

    I don't like blaming the drugs but my doctor did it for me..

    The other aspect is this anxiety causes stress socially speaking I don't really like putting Lys (my lover…) through it in that though I've gotten more comfortable with her over time It's just that there are still times in which she'll take off after saying something alarming to me and I won't be able to even think about anything else until she gets back.

    and it's just- I was always talking about not wanting to place unrealistic expectations on my partner.

  71. Great topic… Not responding (to questions) is a great self-protection strategy with some narcissists. I think my brother has adopted this. It becomes a problem, when the defense mechanism is used with people who are not toxic, who actually are capable of mutuality. My brother using this all the time has caused me to not trust him, because I say something, he does not respond and then does what ever he wants, which would normally be fine – except the situations affect me. From my perspective the result is chaos, constant chaos… which is exhausting. I no longer trust my brother because of his very poor communication.

  72. I have often wondered how someone with a broken internal compass due to childhood trauma can ever find the right therapist. They will inevitably be drawn to invalidation and those with unavailable vibe or simply those who are unable to see them or to give the familiar expression of what the broken person considers being seen.

  73. My therapist: How was Job Corps?
    Me: You don’t want to know
    My therapist: Yes I do Emma
    Me: No Erin you don’t
    My therapist: Emma it’s okay to be upset.
    Me: Starts bawling hysterically

  74. Thanks for making this video I feel like I did the same thing sometime to my therapist or that I was really shy or it was hard for me to open up to her but now I been there for a year now I feel I can tell her anything that’s mind on or what I want to work on as well

  75. It takes some time for patents to really trust their therapist. It's like any other profession, some therapist are amazing but some are terrible.

  76. Hmm… why is therapy so easy for me? I've never had a hard time talking about things in therapy, which I thought everyone was like that. But apparently all the ones I've spoken to are quite surprised when I said I always have good relationships with therapists and that I talk to any of them, even if I find that I don't like the therapist… which only happened once. I just love people so much, and sometimes trust people too much.

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