Help! My Parents are my BIGGEST TRIGGER! #KatiFAQ Therapy Thursday! | Kati Morton

Help! My Parents are my BIGGEST TRIGGER! #KatiFAQ Therapy Thursday! | Kati Morton

Hey everybody. Happy Thursday. And I know this camera
angle is a little weird. But I can’t find my tripod since Sean
and I came back from Scotland. Ahh. So, I’m going to have to find it. Because right now it’s
sitting on the books. That’s why I’m kind of
looking down at you. Like, hey. But anyway. Happy Thursday. For any of you who didn’t
watch the video before, I encourage you to watch it. Because I just got back from Scotland. And I am sad to be home. I had such a great time. And it was great to meet everybody. And everybody was so friendly. The nine days I was there
went like, pew, gone. Presto goneo. It’s like back to reality. [Singing]
Back to life. I’m just joking. Anyway. So when it’s Thursday, If any of you are new to my channel. Welcome. Oh and I’ve got, received a lot of interest
from people asking if I do travel. And if I do come to different places. And the answer is yes. The reason that it worked out with Elgin, And thank you Sarah and Tori and Donna for
setting all of that up in the Elgin Youth Cafe. Is because when I come to visit. Like what I have done locally in
Las Angeles and the area, Is just talking at schools mostly. And I have also done little
seminars for other therapists. And just teaching them about
something that I know about. And then they will
teach us something else. It’s kind of like a peer, not supervision. But kind of just a learning
experience for everybody. But the way that it works if, If you are hoping that I’ll travel to
your community to talk. It’s definitely something that can happen. The way that it works best is if, First of all we’ll have to fund-raise. Because I can’t afford to not only take time
off of work, but also to travel. And so, you know, getting Sean and
I there and paying for the hotel. And that gets really costly. And so those are things that you’ll
have to fund-raise for. But also, I’m willing to set up workshops
and different speaking engagements with you. But you have to let me
know how to do that. And you have to put everybody together. And then I kind of show up and talk and
hang out and all that good stuff. And then, Yeah, we do as much as we can
to raise awareness in your area. And also I’ll do meet-ups. And I like to learn about
different mental health issues. And how your mental
health system even works. So, if you’re interested, You can reach out to me. Let me know. But it’ll be something that you
will have to do work on. Like Sarah and Donna and Tori did a lot
of work to put inspiration week together, And to get everyone out. So just keep that in mind. But, I have bag. Will travel. Haha. Okay. So anyway, On Thursdays I do an FAQ video. Or something about the news. And so today I did a FAQ. And I gathered those questions, If any of you are like, ‘Where do I ask my questions?’ Ask them below this video
or the video before it. Or you can ask it on the website Under Kati’s videos, Q&A for videos. Okay. Okay wow, we’re running late. I’m chatting a lot. First question, Lets get going. ‘Hey Kati, I feel like my therapist isn’t
really talking about issues with me.’ ‘And he never confronts me with
things I have a hard time with.’ ‘I asked him about this and he said I’m
responsible for talking about difficult things,’ ‘And that he wants me to have a good
structured and stable base,’ ‘Before developing things
further and going deeper.’ ‘What do you think of this? I’m clueless.’ Now I wanted to talk about this because,
first of all it got a lot of thumbs up. And also, a lot of people
wonder about these. And I get a lot of questions
about, you know, What do we bring up? And how do we bring it up? And all of that stuff. And it can be really confusing. And really hard. But this is kind of bullshit
from the therapist. I mean, I don’t like to talk
trash about other therapists. And maybe I’m just misunderstanding, Because obviously I’m hearing
it through someone else. But the way that I work with my therapist, Eh, with my therapist.
With my clients, as their therapist. Is, yes, we’re going to have hard things. But it’s my duty as the therapist, To figure out which hard things I think
are best to dive into and to focus on, And part of our goals as a whole. And then it’s your duty as a
client to do the hard work. So I will bring it up. I will ask the tough questions. I will try to get you talking. I will do all of that stuff. But if you don’t want to talk about it,
then I really can’t help you. So there is the boundary. And maybe that’s what they mean. But if you are ready to dive
in to the hard things, And they are kind of stopping you. I may look into seeing another therapist. Or I’d bring it up again and just say, ‘I’m feeling really discouraged,’ ‘Because I’m really ready to dive into
this stuff and I know it takes time.’ ‘I know it’s a process. But I want
to get that process started.’ ‘Because I feel like I’m, you
know, treading water.’ Or I’m like stuck. Or plateauing.
Or whatever word you want to use. But that’s how the kind of
push and pull of therapy works. I’m going to ask you the hard questions. I’m going to, you know, lets
say you have an abused past. I’m going to say, ‘Do you remember the first time you were
abused, I want you to walk me through that.’ And, you know, we’re going to slowly
work through those things together. But you have to do the
work on the other side. So yeah, that’s how it should work. And so if they are not even
asking the hard questions. Then maybe we’ll find someone who will. Okay. Question number two, ‘Hey Kati, what do you do, What do I do if I
think that my parents are my biggest trigger?’ Now I made this a very shortened
version of the actual question, So for who asked it, for the girl who asked
it, just know that I read it and I responded. And this is just a shortened
version for the video. ‘I’m worried because I have to move back
in with them for a bit after uni,’ ‘because of financial
reasons. What do I do?’ I hear from a lot of you that your
parents are your biggest trigger. And there are a couple
of things we can do. First, we have to keep in mind that
we can’t control other people. If they are really triggering, Or your mom’s always on a diet. Depends on what you are struggling with. If your parents put you down. If they are not supportive. I know that parents do the best they can. I can’t even imagine being a parent. And I know it will be really hard. And it’s kind of, you know,
a really difficult job. And it can be a thankless job a lot. So keep in mind that your parents
are doing the best they can. Most parents, Not all. But most, aren’t doing
anything to be malicious. They either, a) don’t understand. Or, b) are too busy and stressed
out by their own shit, That they don’t take time to check in with
you and see how you are doing. There could be a lot of things going on. But if they are your largest trigger, We can only control ourselves. Now you may want to put together a thing, Where you sit down with them and tell them
some things that make it hard for you. Because then they can change,
if they are willing. But I would put a plan in place. I work with a lot of my clients when they
are going home for periods of time, When they are going on vacation. We have a plan. What are your distraction tools? What’s your support team,
who can you reach out to? What’s your schedule looking
like while you’re there? We can do a lot of things
to keep ourselves busy, To surround ourselves
with positive people, To distract when things get bad. We can prepare a speech, To tell our parents what we’re struggling
with if they don’t know. I have a video about how to do that. So search, ‘Tell your parents kati morton’ I’m sure something will come up. Because those are all
things that we can do. And at that point that’s
as far as we can go. But that’s a long way. That’s a lot of work. That’s a lot of distracting, That’s a lot of planning. That’s a lot of preparing. That’s a lot of communicating. And at that point, I would
hope that your parents, Will not feel like as large a trigger as
they did when you first got there. Now I know that takes time. But, you know, if you’re going
to be stuck there for a while, It might be the best for you to just
start putting a plan together, Start practising how you
want to talk to them. What you need from them. And lets start doing it. Because otherwise people in our lives are
just always going to be triggering. And I’d hate to think that you wouldn’t
want to go home any time in your life, Because of that. And it would be a struggle. And you would really have a hard time. I’d hope that, If you were my client, I’d hope that
there would be a point in your life, Where you can go home
whenever you want, Come and stay as long as you want. And leave, you know, when you’re ready. And you’re okay with that. And so that would be one of my
goals for you if you were my client. So I think that you can work on those
things and come to that on your own. Okay. And if any of you have experience
with that, let us know below. Okay, journal topic. Thanks Courtney for sending this out. And you ready, everybody ready? It says, ‘Hey everyone, I ran across
this quote on pinterest.’ Don’t you just love pinterest for quotes. I know I do. ‘And I thought it would make for
an interesting journal topic.’ This is the journal topic quote. “If you hear a voice within
you say, ‘You cannot paint’,” “Then by all means paint, and
that voice will be silenced.” It’s by Vincent Van Gogh. I’ve heard that before,
and it’s a really good quote. ‘I titled my journal entry “A word
of advise from Van Gogh”,’ ‘And I added the quote in
it at the top of the page.’ ‘This quote really inspired me to focus on
silencing that negative voice inside my head,’ ‘And remembering that I am
capable. I really recommend it.’ And I want to highlight that. And remembering that I am capable. Because I think all of us
underestimate ourselves. Put ourselves down when
we don’t really need to, And we don’t have any facts to back it up. And remembering that we’re capable, That we can. That if there is a little bit of
preparation and a little bit of guts, We can do it. And instead of letting
that negative voice win out, And us feel in battle all of the time. Silence that stupid voice. So thanks Courtney for sending that. I hope you all love it. I will see you Monday with my
regularly scheduled video. I love you all, Have a good one, Bye! Subtitles by the community

48 Replies to “Help! My Parents are my BIGGEST TRIGGER! #KatiFAQ Therapy Thursday! | Kati Morton”

  1. Dealing with toxic parents: grey rock. Smile and nod a LOT. Don’t take their shit on. Most of their complaints about you are things that they haven’t worked on themselves.

  2. My mom be seeming angry and or ignored by me when I try to open up to her about my needs and want, but she POWER through and listen to me then she will give me her best advice.

  3. My stepdad is my living trigger. He abused me and my brother through childhood and molested me as a teenager. I still live with him and it's hell.

  4. How do I get over being yelled at at work, my boss didn’t know me, but I can see I’m way too emotional… I have a mans job, and I tried to let him know I have CPTSD, and I fear I have bpd… how do I control my emotions, I can’t stand all the ppl looking at me when I got yelled at… today was the worst, I’m a casual longshoreman for 10 years and I didn’t do that job before, then I feel guilty for being a big baby crying…. I’m triggered… and I can’t connect with ppl…. what should I do to get help?

  5. Preparation and guts, I love it. All you need to dive right into your life. Without the crap BS baggage from your past ?

  6. At 5:30, that sounds like what we have been learning about in the hospital: radical acceptance. That is one of the most common techniques that they want us to do. Along with distracting and self soothing.

  7. I know of many parents that manipulate their children into fulfilling their wishes, and they are never satisfied. Honestly, parents can be very selfish. It doesn't matter if they think that that is what is right for their children- the reason why they think that is because it is what they want, so obviously it is right.

  8. How do I convince my parents to go to family therapy with me? I've had enough. I'm scared to bring it up because they would probably laugh at me and use it as an opportunity to verbally attack me and put me down. How do I approach them?

  9. How do you encourage someone who needs help but is adamant about not going/insists they don't have a problem (even though the anger issues is what broke us up)

  10. It's worth remembering that you were shit at walking to begin with too. Give yourself permission to be a little bit rubbish at whatever your voice says you can't. Also, speaking of Scotland, Irn Bru recently had one of their ads banned: Be a Can, not a Can't. :p

  11. My mom is not willing to change. She expects everyone to do as she wishes, can't see her own mistakes, manipulative with our feelings, constantly feels sorry for herself,.. it's awful

  12. Why don't you get to the point. I have tried to watch you several times, and get tired of wading through your nonesense talk.

  13. Malignant somatic narcissist is my dad ….should I just go no contact… or give him supply (fake supply) just saying I believe you …

  14. My dad just doesn’t care… honestly, he said that if I lived in his home place, he would’ve called his friend out to finish me off ?
    I don’t know how I feel about my dad talking to me like that ????????

  15. When I started therapy for the ptsd that I was hospitalized twice for my therapist didn’t focus on that at first until she felt I was stable enough to work on it. I am grateful though because as much as I wanted to work on it all right off the get-go I truly wasn’t stable enough and am doing really well now.

  16. HELP! so my mother doesnt really care or feel bad when I cry ?… I'm the oldest and I get treated real badly I miss my dad (hes in jail) and all she tells me is you don't even really know your dad! I've seen my dad, been around my dad, spent hours with my father do what makes her say that ?. I get very angry I have no one to talk to because everytime I talk to someone I think they think I'm weird or something and do I just keep my feelings inside I know that's bad but no one feels my pain I know that if I don't talk to anyone no one can help me but I don't know where to start ?I'm only 13 and I do a lot I get put down a lot and I get called stupid! I'm only 13 and im stressing! I'm only 13 and I'm so depressed! ?BUT I'M ONLY 13 my mother does not really care she has 8 kids and I don't feel like talking to her… Me and my mother was really close but now we bearly talk ?… But I'm ok with that


  18. I suffered extreme abuse with both parents. I Have CPTSD . Dad's dead that energy is pass but he did cause MUCH harm (he tortured us). I'm the oldest, My poor middle brother suffers today. He self medicates with drugs. Mother always pushes my triggers. Now she's alcoholic. She has multiple personalities. She wants what I have, she manipulates, she has dragged me into over 7 court actions over her delusions. I Keep trying, forgiving, digesting, moving on, trying to speak to her again like Jesus said but it's hard. 5 years therapy HELPED, said I shouldn't have any contact because mother gets orgasms over causing me pain and she's likeley Psychopath just as father was. She picks and chooses who to control and who to harm. Right now that's me, (and @ dozen others) and taking away grand kids by paying for my daughters (ex husbands attorney as example) Just so she can see them and RUB IT IN MY FACE and keep them from me. I really miss my grand daughters and other grand kids, but the exchange of knowing how they are is always a game All these games. As for my 2 daughters. Mother does best to control. 1 a sociopath who works closely with my mother who cut all ties to us so we let her FLY. The 2nd is struggling in a rehab over the divorce , serious health issues, and the LOSS of her beautiful daughters. My counselor said I have the sickest family on record of 2 counselors practice over 60 years. And my childhood was like war time, or Stockholm I guess, I did what I had to survive & God must have helped. I tried to go to another counselor a guy but he had his own agenda didn't listen to me, & he had a HOLD BACK AGENDA to fix his perceptions of my case, I felt like he Gaslight me…. I was suffering badly and he would't listen, instead he had an agenda, I felt abused again so I just stopped him. MY other lady counselor is retired, she helped process many stuffed memories. OK 1 court example, my mother also gave this 25 year old male a job & a house for rent, then paid for his attorney who raped my minor daughter! FYI My lady counselor of 5 years said both parents seem to be psychopaths who enjoyed torturing and causing pain, not all psychopaths are murders… When Mother keeps callings and texting sometimes I just freeze. And She is up to no good. Setting me up calling on speaker phone with witnesses trying to get information or things away from me. I moved 1200 miles away from her. She stated she would drive to my home and pick up my animal I need to give to her. I won't do it. The same Animal she and the ex husband tried to get court documents to take away from me when we had it at my father in laws home. They also were going to just get it in the night. Forget about cops and judges and district attorneys, because they made friends with them & Keep getting ANYTHING they want in California! I called a politician on the collusion of the D.A> and Judge and Sheriff and she agreed collusion but nothing I can do. There ya go. And you haven't even heard any of the worst of it. So speak about REALLY sick parents. You know the ones that get away WITH MURDERS (like dad) This video didn't cover it. Thank you.

  19. My parents think that my therapist and my boyfriend convinced me that I suffer from anxiety and depression and that it's not real even though I've had these issues years before I even knew my boyfriend and my therapist. I can't wait to move out

  20. Half of it you you kept on speaking about advertising yourself …. Did not help … Came to see because of the thumbnail but really disappointed coz you shifted away from the topic .

  21. Lordy, depressed people don't care about your happy travel. Or drumming up business engagements. If you want a video on your happy travels, have one, but don't mess with depressed children seeking help.

  22. I’m currently stuck at my mom’s house and it’s so hard. I feel myself falling deeper and deeper into a depression slump. I don’t have the money to go anywhere else, but I’m literally at the point where I’m about to take off hitch-hiking and be homeless because that’s better than this.

  23. I told them several times, they say I’m being difficult and get all offended and angry!

    I’ve said it calmly, used the “I feel” instead of “you”. They just don’t get it and see nothing wrong with what they do.

  24. Why not tell the girl to rent a place with other roommates. Isn't moving back home playing the financial victum/infantizing oneself? Grant it, my home has never changed. as if the kids never left because we all live and know this is still their primary home.

  25. What I actually do (as you mentioned), I make a plan.
    My plan is focuses on my experiences with them, like: pasive agresiveness, harsh criticism and projecting.
    I like observe who in my family does what, and then I prepare myself emotionally to "not react" and/or respond in a way that won't hurt me and them.
    I tell myself "they are free to do what they want but their attitude can't control mine".
    When someone tries to use shame and /or guild to get me to do things, I check with myself and remind myself that God loves me and that I love myself to.
    When I try to explain to any of my family members how I feel, and they don't want to listen, I ask myself if am seeking for validation or help (it's usuall validation). I also ask if this person is able to supply my need (usually not, they are hurting too so when I understand that I can try to forgive them) and last but not least- I spend time alone: reflecting and getting my thoughts together before interacting with them.

    Long story short: being aware of myself and my sorroundings, forgiving/letting go and reminding myfelf who I am.

  26. Wow the first question made me realize how shitty my therapist is lol. She just makes me talk and doesn't prompt me or anything. I end up sitting in silence fidgeting.

  27. My mother always puts her priorities before mine and my brothers.. I'm really bad at math so I try to take time to do my homework and get help but she always says that I should just be able to do it in the car but I can never focus in the car because I get motion sick really easily.

    Ever since she and my dad divorced she became a narcissist. The man she married was a family
    friend and they started dating when he was still married to his wife (who died of cancer). And she couldn't speak or process anything which makes it much worse.

    My brother has autism and my step dad is super tough with him. Like when he won't get up right away hell pick him up by his arm or leg and yell at him. My mom doesn't believe us when we tell her either.

    It really makes me mad and I can't do anything because I'm only 12. I would ask my dad if I could do something like therapy because my dad has had depression ever since he was a kid so he understands. But he doesn't have any spare money.

    I would ask my mom but she would be like "Oh, why do you need that?" or "Ranae, you can talk to me." She knows I don't trust her. I think I might have depression or ocd and it just ejakdkgkbaksfkeieh!!!!1!!!

  28. From experience people who have good relationships with their parents just can’t understand what’s it’s like to have abusive parents. She has said she talks to her mom daily and they have a good relationship so maybe that’s why she’s saying that.

    I had a therapist who was helping me cope with having a textbook narcissist father and she also had a narcissist father and spent a lot of our session time a
    Talking about her one pain to the point that it was a problem for me and I stopped seeing her. Maybe she adopted some narcissistic traits ??‍♀️
    Anyway therapists are not perfect

  29. This was interesting. Maybe I need to make self-care plans for certain situations. Oh & I jelly sis, I want to go to Scotland lol

  30. Sorry but parents don't do the best they can, they do whatever they believe is best from their point of view… Usually without any evaluation of its impact upon their child. That and most parents are on autopilot most of the time! Additionally, few seem to do any self reflecting on their point of view and whether it's in line with current thinking or just plain nuts! I hate both my parents btw, but I guess you had already figured that out ? I wish I had been adopted… Because just MAYBE I may have had some love then!

  31. I had binge eating disorder and I don't visit my family at the moment as they make it uncomfortable dog everywhere. I cannot face having my limited eating experience spoiled. I put it off till later. I have panic attacks travelling very weak at times. I feel sad as I want to know my parents. will avoid New years as it will be a dinner and dog going ballistic outside the door.

  32. 6:15 i cant do this with my dad because he thinks im talking back or disrepecting him and talking to him like one od my friends.

  33. Also add that if you have parent's that have suffered childhood abuse/rape/sexual abuse/verbal abuse/ physical abuse or any type of abuse, the parent's might accidentally pass on what was done to them to their child unintentionally. Most of the time that parent is not aware of their own actions & might not know how to heal themselves unfortunately passing on abuse/trauma to their child(ren). There are many reasons why parent's are the way they are and unless you find out what happened to them in the past, you might never know. My mom accidentally did this to me but I forgave her for her actions in the past and am still self healing at the age of 26?

  34. I'm almost 30 and my mum caused a numerous mental illnesses in me and she enjoys triggering them. I saw her smirk, when she made me breakdown once again.
    Sorry Kati, I can't agree with you on this one.

  35. This is the shittiest advice I've ever heard. She is clearly having a communication problem where her parents are not willing to listen to her .. They could be narcissistic which makes it worse where they will probably deny her feelings ..Thats why shes got the trigger .. not because she simply needs to prepare a speech .. I did that when i first watched this video and they invalidated every single thing that threw me in a spiral of depression and hopelessness. so thanks

  36. Sometimes, living with your parents is not possible . Sometimes the only option you have is to move out, and move on. Cut off ties. Yes they are your parents, but they are still people at the end of the day. If they aren't trying to change. You can make people change, or get better. Sometimes separation is key.

  37. My moms behaviors been way worse since I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, which really confuses me bc she has bipolar disorder herself and her side of the family is the one with several mental illnesses, she has been WAY more abusive and triggering for me in several ways so I really do think you have to redo this video without being that optimistic on the parents side

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