The Joy of Illness

The Joy of Illness

hi internet so I’ve got through about
10,000 tissues and forty dvds this week now i’m not going to porn marathon I’m
sick. I know what you’re thinking who gets a fucking cold in August well I do ok now I could have spent this time wallowing in self-pity and my own fluids but i thought no I’m going to take my anger and
discomfort and force people on the internet to listen to it everybody keeps
telling me to just enjoy having a cold and sit in bed and watch a bunch of
movies but people forget that that’s not how it works because when your body
isn’t busy trying to eject your lungs out of your face your brain is like and you just can’t concentrate on anything I tried to play halo and it didn’t work
right oh oh what’s the point in living and I’ve found that the older you get the
less you can tolerate just doing nothing when you’re in school it’s like well I
guess it could be doing algebra or being punched in the face by some dickhead right
now so this is pretty fun but as soon as you’ve left school it’s like how can I
just sit here and do nothing I should be doing taxes or answering
emails when you are responsible for your own life you can’t enjoy having a cold
because you’re just wasting what little time you have left before you inevitably
die and don’t expect any sympathy if your parents aren’t around my friends don’t even believe I have a cold so gross
oh you probably just have man flu you what
come here huh come here
let me sneeze on you
excuse me let me sneeze on your face
if I just have man flu and I sneeze on your face then tomorrow morning you won’t wake up in a coma Dan you’re scaring me
come here
Dan let go in my attempt to recover I bought many different kinds of medicine
and they don’t do FUCKING anything it’s all bullshit look it’s just the same thing in
different forms with different shitty flavors you know this you know what it
taste like it tastes like a FUCKING corpse and I don’t know what the corpse
tastes like before you all say that in the comments but I imagine it tastes like
this the people that made this I think they
invented the common cold so we have to keep constantly buying this crap if I
die after this is uploaded it wasn’t the illness it was the drug companies hit man the
one thing I know is how much I am going to appreciate life when I’m better you just
don’t think about it day to day it’s all oh my life is so hard nobody liked my
facebook status and then bam everything gets taken from you listen
here you little shit unless you have a terminal illness or
something you better be appreciating your life right now you are healthy you’re free you can do anything you want
to go climb a goddamn moutain just because you can because i’m telling
you now this has changed my perspective as soon
as I have won this battle I know exactly how I’m going to spend my
life it’s the sick bed ridden screen yeah if
you enjoyed this and you want to see more from me then you can click on this tissue box to
subscribe to my channel to be told when I make a new video and
if you know any secrets or you always do something to help you recover from a
cold and please let me know what that is down in the comments I mean none of them are going to work because if they did then I think everyone would know about
it by now but I want to anyway I need the hope so for now I’m going to
stay exactly where I’m sat and there will be a new video next friday bye guys

100 Replies to “The Joy of Illness”

  1. 0:31 💀Yep that's pretty much right. And when you tryna sleep too. I had the cold all weekend. Lol this made me laugh though so thanks. 😂

  2. I usually try to skip school by trying to actually catch a cold, then make it worse by staying up all night. I've managed to get off school for about 2-3 days every time (¬ u ¬) *

  3. i really thought he said mourn not porn when i first saw this
    and i watched a dan howell quoted video for no reason
    heard it there and got confused so i watched it again

  4. I always want to be sick so no school but then if I’m sick then I no il die but when I’m at school il be in hell sadly

  5. to this day i still wonder if he chose that mug specifically while saying it tastes like a fucking corpse (1:50)

  6. My trick is to eat instant noodles in bed. I mean, well, maybe it might not work but it makes you feel better about yourself, like you've accomplished something.

    I'll leave.

  7. Dan: who gets a cold in August?
    Me: that’s not normal everywhere else? Dang I Kentucky was weird but this is creepy!


  9. I was about to comment: But it's winter in August. But then I realized that he lives in London and I live in Australia.

  10. This summer I've gone to the hospital, gotten an x-ray, my blood drawn, had to get an inhaler, and now probably have a sinus infection. I feel you.

  11. Its july and I'm sick. The whole fucking month but even though this is happening I'm going to my part time job and like my treatment is literally doing nothing with it because the more shit you put into yourself, the longer you're sick 😂

  12. Colds were invented by medicine manufacturers to increase sales.

    Gender was invented by bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.


  13. I only remember like one time when my dad was sick so i got some immunity from his genetics or whatever
    so i don't get sick often

    but when I do…..



  14. I remember being sick when i watched this a few years ago and guess what? I’m sick and watching this again 🙂

  15. I have a worse-than-usual cold and I’m on my period AND it’s the end of winter break, so of course I can’t relax and enjoy it. UGH.

  16. Was 14 when this was uploaded. now i'm 20 and i religiously fucking watch this every time i have a cold/the flu. which is now.

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