The REAL cause of Delayed Ejaculation (and how to cure it)

The REAL cause of Delayed Ejaculation (and how to cure it)

Hi, I am sex and
relationship coach Caitlin V and today we’re gonna talk about delayed ejaculation. See what I did there,
coz it’s like a delay. Have you ever not been able to reach orgasm
when you wanted to? Have you ever had the experience of not being able to
ejaculate on command? When you are ready to even after an intense amount
of sexual stimulation? Then you my friend have experienced
delayed ejaculation. All that means, all that
delayed ejaculations is, is a condition in
which a man cannot reach orgasm and
cannot ejaculate when he wants to within a reasonable
amount of time and with a reasonable amount
of sexual stimulation. You’ve been watching my
channel before first of all, thanks, second, this will
not be news to you. But if you’re new
here guess what, I don’t really believe in
playing exactly by the book and I don’t believe
that the medical definition of a lot of terms really does a good job of
describing what that term mean. I don’t care if they say 5, 10,
20, 35, 45 minutes is “delayed.” Delayed is when you are
ready to reach orgasm your partner is ready
for you to reach orgasm and you’re not
able to get there. That’s a delay. That qualifies as delayed
ejaculation in my book and I’m gonna tell
you why it happens and how to fix it. For those of you who are already
subscribed to my channel, you know that mostly I talk
about premature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation
is very common. It affects as many as one in
three men in their lifetime. It affects probably all men at
least once in their lifetime, but there is a small but
important contingent of men about one to four percent
of the population who experience
delayed ejaculation, and just like premature
ejaculation, delayed ejaculation causes
all kinds of frustration. It causes heartache,
it causes heartbreak, it causes broken
up relationships, it causes a ton of
confusion and anger, and difficulty for the
people whom it affects. … The reason we need to talk
about delayed ejaculation is not just because it
affects a lot of men, but because it’s really
poorly misunderstood. We have a lot of
ideas in our culture about what men should be, the kind of sex that
men should have. That they should
always want sex, and they should always be
able to cum and ejaculate, exactly when they want
to not a minute sooner. Men you know you have bodies and bodies are unpredictable bodies have changes they
fluctuate from day to day. This is true for women’s bodies
this is also true of men’s bodies. It’s important that
we talk about this. The other reason that we
really need to talk about this is that women make
female partners of men who have
delayed ejaculation often totally misunderstand
what’s going on. They assume that their men
is not turned on by them, is not aroused by them, they are not doing it right, they’re not touching, squeezing, licking, sucking him right, and that’s not the case. At least that’s not the case
for all men all the time. It might be the case
sometimes for some men, but for men who experience
delayed ejaculation on an ongoing basis, usually has nothing to do
with their female partner. It is not her fault. It is not a lack of his
attraction to her, it’s not a lack of her skills, it’s not them not
understanding each other, or having a great sexual bond. Really it more often than
not has to do with just him and his physiology
and his psychology and that’s exactly what
we’re going to get into, and that’s exactly what
we’re gonna talk about. So, if you are a man
who experiences this, please heed this advice and if you are the
female partner of a man who experiences this, please know it’s not your fault, and send him this video so that the two of you can
actually work together to help him cure his
delayed ejaculation, or at least manage it. So that it doesn’t become an
issue or point of frustration or even the cause of a break up in your life and in
your relationship. What causes delayed ejaculation? Well, there are a
number of causes number one, age. It is a natural
condition of the body to become less sensitized and less able to reach
ejaculation over time. So, if you are a
man who is aging, and I don’t mean
someone who is like, oh my God I’m 38 I
can’t believe I’m… Not that kind of aging I
mean really aging, right. In your 50’s, 60’s,
70’s, even 80’s it’s not unusual for you to be experiencing delayed ejaculation and I’ll get into exactly what you can do about
it in just a minute. Because there is hope for you, you can do things to help cure your delayed ejaculation, and they work for older men as well as younger men. DE can also be caused
by a medical condition. This could be inflammation, this could be a
hormone imbalance, this could be a whole
bunch of things that you can go and speak
to your doctor about. So, if you are experiencing
delayed ejaculation, go see a urologist, go
see a medical doctor. Ask them… tell them
about your condition, tell them about the symptoms
that you are experiencing and ask them to do a full
and complete check-up of your entire pelvis
and your genital region just in case and in order to
rule out any medical causes. Another very common reason are prescription
drug side effects. So, if you recently been
prescribed a prescription drug, go to your doctor,
ask her or him if they can prescribe you a
different combination of drugs. Ask them if they can change the prescription
that you are on, ask them if there’s
something that can be done or your condition can be managed in a different or
maybe holistic way So that you won’t experience
delayed ejaculation, but you’ll know if you recently
went on a prescription drug and that’s the cause, then you know that
you can actually do something about it
which is great, but what about the number one cause of delayed ejaculation? At least in the
clients who I see the people who come
to me for coaching, the number one cause of
delayed ejaculation is improper or poor
masturbation techniques, and that includes
improper or extreme use or over reliance on pornography, So, a lot of men learn
how to masturbate without anyone ever
teaching them, right. Like you just figure it out, it feels good when you do this and sometimes this is rubbing yourself
against the mattress or between the box
spring in the mattress or into a pillow, or
something that’s dry and rough and harsh, and you condition your body, you get used to reaching
orgasm through that way. Through this way that’s very
difficult for a partner to actually recreate during sex. If you’re used to
humping a pillow, and then you try to
hump a woman’s body, they’re very different. They have some things
in common probably, but a lot of things different like one is dry and one is wet, one’s rough and one’s smooth, one might be a little harder and one might be a
little softer, okay. So, when you get with a partner, if you’ve been
masturbating in one way and partner sex feels
a very different way, you’re not going to be
able to reach orgasm. The good news about that
is that it is totally fixable no matter how long you’ve been
masturbating in that way. You can recondition your body, but what about porn. For a lot of men, especially men who are in their
like early 30’s late 20’s today, they grew up with internet porn, they grew up with an
extreme amount of pornography at their fingertip. Bukkake scenes, tentacle
porn, you name it. Wilma and Fred Flintstones
like whatever it was, right. A lot of men grew up watching
and having unfettered access to all kinds of pornography
and what did this do? Well, it conditioned
your brain to need a lot of sexual stimulus in order to reach orgasm, and for a lot of men,
that feedback loop, that cycle that they’ve
gotten their brain into means that without extreme porn or without like a whole harem. If you’re not familiar with
how your brain works on porn, watch my video on using your
lizard brain to overcome PE because the same
things apply here. You actually become
completely addicted to the high sensations to the extreme amount of
sensation that porn provides. To the extreme amount
of visual sensation of arousal, that porn provides and then when you’re with a
partner and she’s just one person and she’s not into
tentacle fantasies then you’re out of luck. It’s gonna be really hard
for you to reach orgasm because you are used to
reaching orgasm after being exposed to a pretty
extreme amount of stimulus. But fear not, the great, the most exciting
part of all this is that no matter which
of these four reasons or which of these four causes of delayed ejaculation
caused yours, all of them can be
managed, cured, fixed, overcome, with some
pretty simple techniques and a little bit of patience and probably a little
bit of elbow grease. So, if you have delayed
ejaculation what can you do? Number one go to a doctor. Make sure that you rule out
any kind of medical causes. Including any
prescription, drugs talk with your doctor, tell them what you’re taking, tell
them what you’re experiencing and ask them to do a check-up. Ask them if there are
any potential reasons, any potential things going on that are causing your
delayed ejaculation and see if there’s
anything that they can do to help you to manage it. After you’ve ruled that out or concurrently you can
try the following things Number one, increase
stimulation. So, this is especially if
your delayed ejaculation is caused because of age. You’re going to need more
stimulation in order to get off. It’s just the nature
of your nerve endings. They are not as sensitive
as they used to be, and so, you can use a
vibrator, that’s right boys. They’re not just for women
you can use them too. You can use that vibrator
on the tip of your penis, on the shaft of your penis, you can use it on your perineum. Also affectionately
known as the taint, you can use a vibrator or have your partner
put his or her hands there in order to increase
the amount of stimulation that you’re receiving. You also can do some
really extra juicy fun prostate stimulating. I know that for a lot
of men out there you’re gonna write
in the comments like Ooh, she just recommended
that I put things in my butt. That’s right, I
did I recommended that you put things in
your butt, you know why, because you have a whole butt with tons of nerve endings and you’ve got a prostate
something that I don’t have I can’t even
experience it, okay. You got all these really awesome pleasure centers
in your back door and then up around the corner, only like three inches inside, it’s like about the
length of a finger or there’s a really
great prostate stimulating toys out there and if you’re having trouble reaching orgasm when you want to adding some extra stimulation can feel…! It can
feel really good even if you don’t have
delayed ejaculation. You could play with your
prostate, it’s awesome. You have this whole tool of
pleasure available to you and you’re not using it. Use it, milk it, love it, enjoy
it, appreciate it, go slow, go gentle. I did a whole podcast
episode on butt stuff recently explaining exactly how you can start to explore
your backdoor I will link to that
in the show notes, I will link to that in
the notes of this video. Play with your prostate,
use a vibrator. Turn up the stimulation
excite your nerve endings. That’s number one, number two is change how you masturbate. Okay, you saw this one coming. If you’ve been masturbating
using a death grip without using any lube,
using a couch cushion. You just got to change
the way you masturbate change it to feel
like a woman feels. Change it to feel like
how a body feels. Use something that’s
warm and wet and smooth. Buy a fleshlight,
buy one of those toys that like
looks like a body that you just put
down in the bed and you can hump away at it. Use one of those. Use a microwaved banana
peel, not too hot. Do whatever you need to
do in order to recreate the feeling of being
with a person. So that when you are
having sex with a person, your body is used to reaching orgasm in that way. This might take a while, okay. You’ve been masturbating one way probably for at least a decade Maybe longer, maybe
two, maybe three, maybe four decades, okay. It’s gonna take your brain
a little bit of time in order to retrain itself to
reach orgasm in a different way. Here’s the crazy part. The best part, your body was made
to reach orgasm. You literally evolved by the very fact that your ancestors ejaculated. That’s the only way
that you got here and you have thousands
of years of successful male ejaculation
behind you, okay. We all do. Your body will figure it out, your body wants nothing
more than to reach orgasm. That’s how it figured out how to
do it with the couch cushions or the… one of the thing
to begin with, right. So, if you give it enough time, your body will actually be able to rewire all of its circuits in order to reach orgasm. The same is true for
women who use vibrators, the same is true for anyone
who has any particular thing that they need in
order to get off over time with a lot of
patience and a lot of love okay, you can’t just do this
while you hate yourself you have to love yourself
through this whole process. That’s a different video, we’ll get into that if
you need more of that. Fill out my coaching
application form because there’s way outside of
what we can just do on YouTube. But if you can love yourself, if you can see that
you are worthy of the patience, the
time, and the work that it takes in order for
you to get there, you will get there. I promise you that. Your body was
designed to do this. Or number three, don’t
masturbate at all. Only have partnered sex, only have sex with your partner. Save all of that arousal
and the buildup and the tension for the release that you will have
with your partner. If you are a man and you’re
masturbating on one night and then you’re expecting not
to have delayed ejaculation later that night or on the next
day but it keeps happening. Quit masturbating and see if that doesn’t
make a difference when you’re with your partner. If you’re able to reach
orgasm more quickly because you had more time to build up between
ejaculations. and finally, I feel if you
knew me you’d see this one coming out. Quit
watching porn, okay. I personally do not have
anything against porn I think it’s great especially for men who are into
things like tentacle rape. Who want to… by the way
I’m kind of noticing about myself recently
that I’m into tentacles. I think that there is something
kinda sexy about tentacles. I don’t know where
this came from. I didn’t really know this about
myself until very recently, but if you’re into
tentacles that’s great. Porn’s probably the best
way for you to get off on the idea of tentacle, okay. Only because I don’t know
and please don’t tell me how to make this
happen in real life. It’s no judgment. If you’re into tentacles
that’s great, okay. I don’t know how you can
experience that in real life. So, if you watch porn
that includes tentacles and that’s the way that you
get off, that’s awesome, but that’s sad. If you’re
experiencing delayed ejaculation, you need to start retraining
your brain on partnered sex, and partnered sex does not look like being just able to hit next and have a different
woman in front of you doing different stuff over and over and over again. Hour after hour, that’s
not how the world work. If you’re having sex
with one woman, she’s got a limited
list of things that she’s willing
to do with you and that’s what you’re
here to work with, that’s all you’ve
got to work with. So, you can’t spend Monday night watching an entire harem of blondes, brunettes, redheads, Asian women, black women, Native
American women, you name it. Doing all kinds of kinky
stuff and then Tuesday you’re with your partner and she’s only willing
to have missionary and you expect that
your brain is gonna act in the exact same way
your body is gonna act you’re gonna ejaculate
in the exact same way. It’s not the same circumstances. You can’t expect that your body is
gonna be able to do the same thing. It just doesn’t work that way. So quit watching porn. When you masturbate, visualize yourself
with your partner, and see if that doesn’t
solve the issue for you. I lost an earring, I got really excited
about that last point. … it was the tentacle porn, I don’t know. What about it, are you into it? Of course, you think everyone
is into tentacles porn. Now, you learned a little
bit more about me. Okay, so, in summary, if you
have delayed ejaculation, you’re experiencing
that or your partner is do not fret. There’re many common
causes and there are many ways that you can go about restoring your ejaculation, your power to ejaculate
when the time is right. With a little bit of patience
and a lot of tenderness, and if you need some
help in the process, feel free to follow the links below to apply for on one coaching with me. Where if you are experiencing
this, I can help guide you through the
steps that are required for you to never have a
problem with either premature or delayed ejaculation
ever again. Thank you so much for watching, thank you for subscribing, and I will see you here soon.

100 Replies to “The REAL cause of Delayed Ejaculation (and how to cure it)”

  1. fckn western hoe no guy can cumm on you feminist skanks it’ll be like having sex with a dude who has a grease box

  2. Way too much chatter, monotone and I think I feel sorry for your own partner, not sure which gender it might be either… yawn

  3. Im a visual learner.
    live demo of you showing how to get a guy to shoot a load.
    preferably with your mouth, pussy or anus…

  4. If you are saying you are to be a sex therapist, how about trying something instead of being all cuties and whatever, get to the point of the topic and stop trying to be you tube approved

  5. If I can jerk off and get there but a female can't get me there….I'm definitely not sticking stuff in my ass!! Lmao
    Oh and if she only wants missionary its definitely that she is too boring. Trade up guys…

  6. Doing it when drinking or hungover can cause a delay, I had a time once where it took me 3 hours, we were exhausted after but I created a legend with room mates.

  7. The number one cause of men not being able to ejaculate might be chicks with dude haircuts? just saying…
    Ice ice baby…

  8. some where in the back of the dudes mind, this little voice, the sound of instinctual self preservation, is saying: DO NOT IMPREGNATE THIS TWITCHING, NEUROTIC, BUTCH CUT, BABBLING FEMINIST. save the children

  9. Girl, slow down, all that energy! I watch porn. And you have a few points. But too much description! Chose your words make shorter sentences.
    Now on the subject of fooling around . Rule of penis. ( get it rule of thumb , rule of penis LOL) pressure harder on the areas between foreskin and head of penis. Particularly for me on the bottom of the shaft. If your lover puts as much effort as you. Works every time. At 62 this has been my experience.

  10. Reduced sensitivity from circumcision resulting in lots of scar tissue, keratanization of the glands I think plays a huge role.
    You mutilate a man's penis right after birth and expect it to work fine until old age? It seems so obvious, but sadly the majority of people doesn't realize this 😔😔😔

  11. A stupid waffling twit like you would make any man go frigid down there. Trying to “understand” the man’s condition by adorning your trendy skull with the latest hipster hair do is a sure way to make him feel like he’s had 3 beers too many. Next time you get your hair “styled” go to a women’s hairdresser

  12. That's right we all do have a whole butt, the best part of that whole butt is the hole in it or that the butt has. The hole is the best part because it can be that last little kink push someone need's to pop or climax. The real best thing is that the male P-spot is inside that hole. The P-spot is the male version of the female G-spot. With the right type of P-spot stimulation a man can have a full strong orgasm without even having to touch his cock.

  13. I find it ludicrous, that you, a woman, is telling men about delayed ejaculation or any other kind of ejaculation. Next you'll be telling men what it feels like to engage in tantric sex, when a man is able to have multiple orgasms without ejaculating. Welllll, I'm waiting. It's like a man telling a woman how good a hard throbbing penis feels like in a vagina. Gimme a break !

  14. No man in right mind nd time frame will be able to piss u talking that much , it's a turn off , rather learn to yank the crank sweet'ness

  15. Thanks for answering my question. I am on prescription medications that have an effect on this. It seems too have improved though now that I am masturbating less and use lube when I masturbate.

  16. Shove yout finger up his ass, works 95% of the time. As for making a woman come, read War and Peace. And expect carpal tunnel syndrome.

  17. well I have gone 2 hours straight and some weekends of several hours of sex never had orgasm . I am very attracted and in love with my wife

  18. I wouldn’t come to you to help me in a million years because you are just plain annoying. Your not a doctor nor a man so what do you know about it.

  19. I got talking in an intactavist group. I few of the circumcised guys have sufferd from this. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a link between circumcision and delayed ejaculation.

  20. Frustrating when your screwing/ sucking/ etc for 1+ hours and he still hasn’t cum… annoying. Makes you feel insecure or unwanted.

  21. I am a man that has delayed ejaculation because I have been so worried about helping the lady I am with having her own pleasure first. Now that mean's I can go at least 45 minute's or as much as 60+ minute's on average. I was with one lady that was very tight and very into sex with me. I also do not look at being with a lady as having sex instead I think about being with a lady as making love. I know that when I make love to a lady that we are both very vulnerable to each other. Also I fall for a lady who want's to make love to me because of the fact that she is giving herself to me in her mist vulnerable time. I would welcome a bit of premature ejaculation for a change, or at least premature in comparison to the normal amount of time it take's for me to climax.

  22. Wrong, what about “delay” but only with certain women? Let’s talk about vaginal tightness and other hard pills to swallow that are dependent on the woman.

  23. guys do nofap..
    dont listen this lady. she misleading us..
    she never know mens problems…
    try at least 90 day no fap no porn challange. feel the defferent..
    mentally phycially socially sexually…

  24. I thought I was the only person with this problem. So many nights I go to sleep while she get multiple orgasm and I just get tired and fall asleep.

  25. Never stick your Dick in Crazy. Avoid a so called unplanned pregnancy. MGTOW is the only choice for a man these days. Ghost these whores 😎🍻😂👻👻

  26. It hasn’t worked yet, but in my research, this video has been really useful for me. Thanks internet sex teacher person.

  27. With all due respect I think there is some good information in this video, however, I think you are under estimating the male sexual brain.

  28. I don't get the criticism of porn. All this nonsense about becoming desensitised is hilarious to me. I've ben watching porn for over thirty years now and I watch it most nights – I get hard very quickly and can cum very quickly if I want to (I enjoy edging). I have no need of "extreme" porn at all – any mundane porn will get me off.

  29. I gave up meat and after a year I could not get it up. So back on meat problem solved. Wish I could delay the Big Bang. Hahaha. I blow after a minute reload and fire again after five min. And can go again if I want

  30. Much of what you say may be part of the problem. However, your video title is misleading. You are dead wrong on porn or masturbation overcoming your natural ability to ejaculate. In some cases may be so. Are you aware that some men that can't orgasm during sex can bring themselves to orgasm after hours and hours of trying. Your emphasis on porn and masturbation is way off track. That is only a small possibility of the cause of not ejaculating. I don't know the cause of this, but sex itself without ejaculating is immensely pleasurable. But yes, women feel they aren't enough and it's their fault. Not so.

  31. Thank you for posting this. It is informative and important. Ps. You look great and sound great. Thank you.

  32. I don’t know about you fellas, but pillows and mattresses aren’t in the Arsenal, I’m loyal to mr righty

  33. Good information. I usually masturbate lying down and moving my hand, but I usually fuck standing up, thrusting my hips. Even if her pussy feels good, the motion is still not what I am used to, and also it takes more exertion which distracts a bit. When she is on top, I can come in a more reasonable time. I think masturbating standing is a place to start.

  34. You can try buspirone. It's anti anxiety and helps with delayed ejaculation. Or so I've been told. Gonna try it myself soon. I can fuck for 2 hours and no climax.

  35. Hey I took ONE 100mg pill of steraline (Zoloft) and I can’t finish at all.Before that I could ejaculate fine.Would you have any idea of when I can finish again?

  36. SSRIs (antidepressants) and Tramadol will slow or stop 🛑 your jollys and release of man mustard in a flash 😢

  37. Well I'm more than happy with porn and I have lift off when ever I want anyone that cannot probably has many other problems. Her voice is irritating as hell. And it would give me delayed blast off for sure I'm outa here

  38. Back off porn and build up the excitement for me it took a couple of weeks. That was great advice.

  39. 18 years old… parents just got divorced… I cannot ejaculate for my sexual partner. Especially during oral sex and she sometimes goes for so long that I just feel shitty. At this point I feel it may be mental. However I also do watch a lot of porn and masturbate a lot and with cetaPhil which I feel is a different sensation than mouth or vagina. I really just want help so badly because I do not want my partner to feel badly anymore. I have sex with her for like 40 minutes and it feels good and everything but just like not as good as it does when I masturbate and I never even get close to ejaculation. During sexual activity I also am just thinking of cumming the entire time. I try to will it out of me. Please help me with suggestions. It is so crucial to my life and happiness in this fragile time that I am able to have a healthy sex life.

  40. I think mine is a medical issue.i can go for four hours every time I have sex. Basically a waste of time having sex. I'm going to go to the doctor.

  41. Thank you. Interesting video. I have a book on how the brain interacts with porn. Never good. Keep up the good work

  42. I've had this problem from the beginning of my sexual life. I started watching pornography regularly in Jr. High School. And have watched a lot since. I find that I'm most turned on when watching porn. And not when I'm actually with a partner. It's definitely a problem.

  43. The end result of this premature ejaculation treatment “Kαvοgu Jonto” (Google it) is very wonderful. Right after numerous intimate activities with my partner, my performance as well as endurance has improved substantially. Surprisingly, during the last 3 times, my partner was satisfied about it..

  44. Right after trying this early ejaculation treatment “Kαvοgu Jonto” (Google it), my self-esteem was enhanced. For the very first time in history, right after reading your book, I had an extravagant encounter with a girl that I slept with previously..

  45. My masterclass for lasting longer in bed, bringing women to orgasm during sex, and developing unshakeable sexual confidence:

  46. My confidence has been much better right after learning and practicing this premature ejaculation treatment “Kαvοgu Jonto” (Google it). For the first time in history, right after reading your book, I had an extravagant encounter with a woman that I slept with before..

  47. My self confidence has been much better right after learning and practicing this early ejaculation treatment method “Kαvοgu Jonto” (Google it). To tell the truth I hooked up with a woman since reading your book and it was a wonderful time since I was in total control of my arousal and ejaculation for the first-time ever..

  48. seriously can we not be childish about issue please because it is no laughing matter it can be totally devasting not to mention very frustrating when as a man you cannot come it is so humiliating anti-depressants medications are really bad for causing this I mean of all the side-effects so dam annoying thankfully never had partners that do not understand when you cannot orgasm ,as I said hade this problem some time back and after being checks out was told down to medication just awful and makes you feel even more depressed

  49. This is my problem. There are times that I can't cum. My problem is that I try to hard to make sure her needs are taken care first and then I worry about my cock is big enough for her after my ex wife told me that my cock wasn't big enough for her and she even told my partner that my cock didn't due nothing for her. There are times I get busy fucking her and then it goes limp. My age is 52 does this cause me go limp and my doctor thinks it my back pain and the pain pills make me sleepy

  50. well It is a blessing and curse…. Cause I can go forever without finishing and that is good for her plus no precum stuff whatsoever so no pregnancy worries but it gets frustrating after a while … I have to pull out and masturbate verry verry fast and intense vaginal intercourse cant make me come…. Dang ….

  51. Porn was introduced as a population control measure. Don't watch porn for many reasons, one is to stop being manipulated by these smut peddlars, another is its made for u to stop having children. Drop the addiction, find a woman, make babies.

  52. I just read all the material during the first night in this early ejaculation therapy “Kαvοgu Jonto” (Google it) and began putting the concepts to action. I had improvements quickly at first, going from less than five minutes in the beginning, to now, a month later, almost Twenty minutes of fully fulfilling sexual intercourse..

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